A first-time parenting journey summed up in poetry

I glanced upon my image

knowing that it would soon change

that sudden thrill of excitement

replaced by that of daze

I hadn’t predicted a detour

and wasn’t sure of how to feel

thrown off the course of ‘self’

things becoming all too real

This moment all worth sharing

but where would I begin?

surely there’s no way to explain a plan

that hadn’t been foreseen

So I took a step back

not sure what to make of it all

the ebb and flow of life

felt more like a free fall

Three months went by so fast

and yet my world still felt still

I was not ready to accept it

to afraid of the next thrill

But then I heard your heartbeat

felt kicks and tugs within

your presence all-consuming

pulling chords on each heartstring

The disappointment that I’d been braced for prepared for it in heaps and bounds

that was out of sight completely

that happens when love abounds

And then I finally met you

I must say I expected more

I thought when I first saw you

I’d have sensations and feelings galore

But I took you home and slowly

like the momentous seasons change

I started to really love you

in the most colossal ways

Of course, things didn’t go as expected

what was I doing wrong?

“Does complaining make me ungrateful?”

became my new favourite song

For starters, you cried for hours

and time felt all too slow

I was alone and sombre

with no place to go

Your sleep was next to nothing

and nothing I seemed to do

would ease your little body

so life’s colours faded to blue

But you continued growing

and all milestones were soon reached,

the shift on those small victories

was how all anxiety ceased

The journey is far from over

and there’ll be plenty more tears to cry

I’ll sometimes lose my patience

and later stop to ask myself why

You’re only  little for a moment

compared to the scale of time called life

so my darling dear little

I’m sorry for the times I filled the days with strife

I genuinely am trying

and though dark moments may arise

I remember clouds birth rainstorms

and you dear are life’s greatest prize

I’ve watched you stare at me for hours

as if you saw into my soul

It’s then that I’m reminded

that there are highs to every low

So to my precious petals

the years go by so fast

and despite the detours on this journey

I would never change my past.

Robyn Paul

I’m Robynn Osborne, a 26-year-old mum to a four-year-old daughter and a little boy under one. I’m a wife to an incredible partner and a Masters graduate. I’m currently enjoying being a stay at home mum. I live in Durban and love all things science and baking. Nothing makes me happier than time with my family.

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