Let’s be honest with ourselves for a second. Going to the local Papachinos for an okay-ish pizza does not really qualify as quality family time. Besides, the constant scream soundtrack gets old, quickly. And all that’s left is that agitated version of you, who ends up ordering too many beers.
So, what’s a dad to do?
We all want to be good fathers. But sometimes it’s tough even knowing what that means. The trick, for me anyway, is to be a little selfish when creating ‘together time’. Yep, get the kids doing the things that are fun for you. This way, it will never feel like something you have to do. You’re getting involved with a healthy dose of genuine excitement, which is fuel for theirs.
Here are some ideas that have worked well for my family (and there’s the obligatory proof on my wife’s Instagram).
1. Trail time
Spend 10 seconds on Google and you’ll find several walking trails near you. And they’re actually a lot of fun. I enjoy the exercise and getting outdoors, but the coolest part is that it’s an opportunity to get to know your kids even better – finding out about that thing you didn’t know they wanted to do or even that thing that’s been bugging them. When there’s the chance to speak, they will. Promise. You also get the chance to tell them about that bird, or that tree, or that special kind of rock you happen to know about. Most kids think their dad is the smartest human on the planet – prove them right.
Extra dad tip: Make sure you know about a bird. Or a tree. Or a special kind of rock.
2. TV isn’t all bad
Screens aren’t cool. Except on Sundays. Because that’s when we do family movie afternoon. And no, I’m not talking about me sleeping through that horrible animated rubbish with too much singing (no, I don’t want to build a snowman). I’m talking about the classics like Indiana Jones. And Back to the Future. And The Karate Kid. Yes, you’re watching TV, but you’re making it a positive experience that involves you. And when there are sequels, that’s next Sunday sorted.
Extra dad tip: Don’t be stupid. Despite what you think, Die Hard isn’t appropriate. Yet.
3. Dumb stories
With two parents who are writers, our kids have been exposed to night-time reading from the beginning. And while it isn’t exactly a weekend-filling activity, this has always been an enjoyable nightly bonding session for me. Until the kids choose the same bloody book, for the fifth time in a row. Here, I resort to a different kind of story time – a story I make up on the spot. I find it really entertaining how I can talk about the dumbest thing and they’re hooked. Like the time I told them the story about a silkworm. Who escaped a shoe box. Amazing.
Extra dad tip: It’s not always easy to do this, but the challenge is what I like. So, look around the bedroom for inspiration. Didn’t that floor rug come from a mad gypsy who was lactose intolerant?
4. You win, I win
One Saturday, we spent about three hours making paper aeroplanes and flying them throughout the house and garden. Why? Well, paper planes are rad. And, because there was a prize for the one whose plane flew the furthest. In fact, I use the competition strategy a lot. Especially when I need to get them as excited about dad-friendly activities as I am. Or, getting them to do housework. Or, not moaning during road trips. For me, the fun part is pushing to see just how far they’ll go for a mystery prize.
Extra dad tip: Bribery doesn’t have to bankrupt you. Competition prizes I’ve dished out include hugs and high-fives.
5. Tourism
Once we did a Big Red Bus Tour of our city. The kids had such a jol, and so did we. I’ve lived in Johannesburg my entire life, but I never saw it like this. The point here is that you should go and see new things. The kids feed off the wonder that you experience when seeing something for the first time. And since that bus tour, we’ve done loads of stuff, from cable cars to a natural history museum where I found out about a bird. And a tree. And a rock.
Extra dad tip: Don’t go to Pretville in Hartbeespoort. Trust me, it just sucks.
6. Toy time
The best thing about being a dude is that you never really grow up, well I know I didn’t, and I still flipping love playing with toys. LEGO is definitely my favourite, and now, for my kids’ too. It’s definitely not the cheapest option, but it really is an investment in your child’s creativity. And one of the greatest bits is the prep. What are we going to build? How are we going to build it? And then, of course, the grand reveal where we have to show mom what we’ve created (and gran and whoever else is there to praise our work).
Extra dad tip: Don’t be the dad who builds the LEGO model and then relegates it to the shelf. All toys are meant to be played with. They’re not décor items.
7. Family games night
This is exactly what you think it is. We do it after a Sunday movie afternoon, and even though it’s become routine, the kids just love it. And I just love winning. And that’s okay. One of my gripes is the participation-award mentality that has become mainstream. Kids need to be taught that losing is a part of life. It pushes them to try harder and makes victory sweeter.
Extra dad tip: Buy board games. Lots of them. And don’t be a bad winner (like me).
8. Shared activity
Before you think that I think I’ve got it all figured out, trust me I don’t. I’m just doing the best I can. And some days, I’m just doing okay. So, this activity is not one I do, but one I’ve noticed with another dad. He and his son do karate lessons together. How awesome is that? I suppose the point here is that the dad must have chosen to do that just as much for himself as for his kid.
Extra dad tip: Everyone has an hour to spare each week. And everyone wants to try something new. Do it.
9. Dates
Yep, I do dates with the kids. Breakfast dates to be exact. And the reason for this is because I love chocolate-chip pancakes. This is a one-on-one with either of my two kids from time to time. And it’s just like any other date. I ask them out a couple of days beforehand and they don’t stop talking about it. Again, this is a good bonding exercise, with undivided attention. It’s a chance for me to hear about that thing at school. Or that bully. Or that girlfriend/boyfriend.
Extra dad tip: Make sure you eat half your kid’s portion of choc-chip pancakes. Otherwise, they’ll have a belly ache.
To sum it all up, quality time is only quality time if all parties are having a quality time. So, make it cool for you so you can ensure that you are actually present. In fact, pretty much anything that excites you will probably excite them if you give it a go. I think we’re going to the planetarium next because I want to.
As for Papachinos… well, maybe I was a little harsh. Order the ribs. They’re pretty damn great.
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