Warning content of an adult nature
The Citizen’s sex columnist, Tiffany Mugo, talks you and your partner through the great debate about oral pleasure, especially when one is keen on it and the other…not so much.
Figuring out if it’s for you:
Look sugar, oral sex is not for everyone. Like any sexual act, it has folks who are fans and folks who are not. If your issue is with receiving oral sex then figure out what it is that has you not wanting it. Is it that you are uncomfortable with how exposed you are (some people do not like having a face that close to their crotch area) or is it that they are bad at it and make getting head feel like a chore? Or do you simply not like it? Figuring this out will help chart the way forward. If it’s discomfort, work through that by understanding why being that exposed makes you feel awkward.
If the issue is giving then the first thing you need to ask yourself is, are you willing to do something for your partner you might not necessarily love? Are you willing to sacrifice to give your partner that pleasure? If you seriously hate it then speak to your partner and say that for you, it’s a hard no but you can find other ways to get off.
It is for me…now what?
If you are down to taking one for the team, next step is to relax. Sometimes people put a lot of pressure on themselves to give mind blowing oral sex and end up literally and figuratively choking. Understand that even if you are the one giving head, this is also about you and how you’re a sex magician. Breathe, relax and enjoy the fact that you are turning your partner on. Enjoy the fact that they are enjoying themselves and that you did that.
Do not just jump into it, spend a little while teasing, licking, talking dirty and making the whole thing a sexy affair. Often, folks just want to stuff things in their mouth and suck for dear life, but taking it slow can allow you a feeling of control and also help with mentally and emotionally easing you into the whole thing.
Variety is the spice of life
Lastly, switch it up. Sometimes the act of oral sex can feel monotonous, but if you throw in some kisses, some licks, a little eye contact and even your hands, it makes the whole thing less of a chore and more like creating art. And while everything is going down, take moments to listen to the moans of appreciation from your partner and let those moans hype you up.
Give and take
Sex, like anything else, is all about give and take, so if you are giving this thing make sure you are getting something in return. This is not Christmas day and you are not Santa Clause – giving and giving and getting nothing in return. Figure out what you would like and request that, knowing that you will get something great at the end of it will make the whole thing a little more fun.
About the Author
Tiffany Kagure Mugo is a sex columnist for the Citizen. Her book the Quirky Quick Guide to Having Great Sex is launching in August 2020. She is the co-founder & curator of HOLAA! a Pan-African hub that advocates for, & tackles issues surrounding African female sexuality.
She is a TED speaker, host of the radio show Between the Sheets on TransAfrica Radio. She has written for numerous anthologies & contributes to spaces speaking about sex and politics. She is based in Johannesburg.