What to expect as you move from girlfriend to wife

Relationship counsellor Faye Mokitlane says saying ‘I do’ results in little change because when you’re dating, most of the ground work for marriage would have already been laid.

1. Adjusting to change

It could become difficult to adjust if you often went out with your partner and found him to be more fun as a boyfriend than as a husband. He could likely continue having a thriving social life with his friends, while expecting you to stay at home.

Attending premarital counselling before getting married can help you avoid surprise expectations.

2. Marriage is a decision

Change is inevitable in a relationship. Because marriage is a decision, it’s important set basic ground rules that include roles and responsibilities.

No matter what people say, no two marriages are the same. It’s unhealthy in a relationship when one person makes all the rules, while the other just follows.

3. Makoti duties

The one part of marriage that scares women is dealing with the in-laws. In-laws can be intimidating because they are outside your relationship. While your husband might be okay with you being a microwave cook rather than a traditional one, his family might be less charmed by it.

There’s nothing wrong with modifying small behaviors for in-laws like wearing a doek a their home, but dealing with in-laws requires you and your partner to keep in mind that you are the core team.

4. The good wife

Everyone wants to be one, but what does it actually mean? Being a good wife can mean anything to different couples. For some it means being a submissive woman who cooks and cleans.

More than focussing on what the world says a good wife is, focus on what you and your partner agree on.

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