7 keys to a successful marriage
A successful marriage may seem tricky at times.
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When you are in a good spell in your marriage, you usually think: “It’s great to be married.” You feel as if you are one of the lucky ones who will “live happily ever after”. On the other hand, if you are caught in a bad spell in your marriage, you easily feel as if your life is a nightmare. You wish you could change your partner.
Most people wish to be married and certainly wish for a happy and successful marriage. Here are seven keys that lead to a successful marriage:
1. Love your partner for who he is
Everybody wants to be loved for who they are, and nobody wants to be criticised for who they are (or are not). We each have our own unique set of values, priorities or things that are important to us. Nobody has your set of values or priorities, and that is what makes you unique. There is nobody like you and nobody like your partner.
You became attracted to your partner for the similarities you may have shared. Equally so – you also became attracted to them for their differences.
Paul and Arlene, a couple married for eight years learned how to love each other for who they are. Paul loves sport (both watching sport on television and playing sport). Arlene loves reading and studying self-help books. Once they linked their high values and priorities to each other, they gave each other the freedom to be true to themselves. While Paul is watching sport or playing sport, Arlene has time to read her books and study her self-help courses.
Paul and Arlene put effort into loving each other for who they are because they both value their relationship.
2. Plant flowers in your mind about your partner
Your mind is a powerful tool you can use, but an ungoverned mind becomes a weapon of destruction.
When you think negative thoughts about your partner and you fill your mind with everything they do wrong, you plant weeds in your mind. Weeds grow fast and eventually take over. Thoughts of anger, aggression, blame, criticism and negativity poison your mind about the person you once loved.
Every person has a balance of positive and negative traits, and when you focus more on the negative traits, the positive traits go into remission.
Make it a healthy habit of reminding yourself of what you like and love about your partner. Plant flowers in your mind about your spouse. This is a life-long investment in a successful marriage. Speak words of life into your relationship.
3. Understand what drives your partner
Opposites attract and what motivates your partner will most likely be something that does not particularly interest you.
Remember: Two opposites make a whole and you and your partner create your ‘whole’ by your differences and similarities. You can accept what drives your partner by listing how that which drives him, benefits you and your relationship.
4. Be the best of friends
There is nobody you like as much as your partner otherwise you would not have chosen to get married and create a life together. Remember that.
Out of all the millions of people on this planet, you chose each other because you perceived that you see far more likes than dislikes in each other. There is also nobody you spend more time with.
Look out for each other, play together and laugh together. You will go far to find another friend so dedicated to you.
5. Develop a healthy intimate life
Intimacy is the cement of a relationship as long as it is seen as only an important part, not the only important part.
Intimacy in a relationship works like a see-saw; one partner wants it more than the other one and then it shifts and you change roles and the other one wants it more. There is no magic formula for frequency, it is what works for both of you.
Open and honest communication of what you like and dislike and aiming to bring pleasure to your partner will bear fruit. Sex is a driving force and when there is a perception of a void, it can cause stress and tension. Develop a healthy sex life that brings both joy and closeness.
6. Fight complacency
If you know what your partner likes, surprise them unexpectedly with a love gift, even if it is their favourite chocolate. Create “traditions” in your relationship that communicate the message to each other that you appreciate and value one another.
Learn to speak the love language of your partner and help your partner to know what your love language is. It does not matter what it is, it is unique to you and your life partner’s love language is unique to them. If you do for your partner what is important to them, they will do the same for you. Everybody likes to be appreciated.
7. Have realistic expectations
Know your partner, love your partner and appreciate your partner for who they are. Your partner is not you and has their own thoughts, ideas, likes, and dislikes. If you wish for your partner to be who you want them to be, you are creating unrealistic expectations, and you will soon feel angry, bitter and challenged.
Keep on asking the quality question: “How is, who my partner is, benefiting and serving me in what is important to me?”. Stop injecting and projecting your values and priorities on your partner and accept your partner as your opposite.
Life is not a fairy tale, but you can create your happily ever after with the right mindset. To be loved and to love is one of lives greatest gifts to humanity.
Brought to you by All4Women
