‘Mugabe’ quotes that will have you in stitches

Apart from Donald Trump, Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe is perhaps the most infamous straight talker, who will stop at nothing to express his thoughts.

If you take a close look at Facebook posts over these past few days, you’ll notice that people have been taking advantage of Mugabe’s character, creating memes of things they claim he has said. We’re neither denying nor confirming that they are indeed Mugabe’s quotes, we’re just having fun with them – because honestly, they are funny.

 Apparently the fourth-longest-serving president in history has joined the anti-weave campaign, along with Hugh Masekela, who refuses to take pictures with women who have weaves – excluding Kuli Roberts. While Masekela thinks weaves are unAfrican, “Mugabe’s” problem is how one would go about bewitching such a woman.

1. It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to a witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.

A picture from Twitter that has been doing the rounds since Robert Mugabe arrived in SA.

2. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

President Jacob Zuma. Commons Wikimedia.

3. I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once.

Believers pray around a cross-shaped platform covered with candles placed in jars of honey during a ceremony marking the day of Saint Haralampi, Orthodox patron saint of bee-keepers, at the Church of the Blessed Virgin in Blagoevgrad, eastern Bulgaria, on February 10, 2015. AFP PHOTO / NIKOLAY DOYCHINOV

4. Welcome to Africa, where typing amen to a Pastor’s prayer on Facebook will save you from your village witches and make you a billionaire.

Amen.

5. Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man who texts you “I miss you” only when it’s raining. You are not an umbrella.

Don’t be an umbrella.

6. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than sending it to your mom and you realise witchcraft is real.

Picture: Thinkstock

7. When you kiss a girl from another nationality, do it well because you represent the whole country.

DAGANG-STYLE. Minister of Public Service and Administration Lindiwe Sisulu and Minister of Higher Education Blade Nzimande kiss before the start of a Cabinet lekgotla. Picture: Christine Vermooten.

8. Neighbours will always say they saw the girl you brought home last night….. but they will never see the thief who stole at your place even during the day.

Picture: Thinkstock