Zoleka Mandela: I chose men, sex and drugs over my children

Zoleka Mandela has shared a heartbreaking story of how she neglected her children a few years ago when she was still addicted to drugs. In a long message on Instagram on Friday, Zoleka remembered her daughter, Zenani, who died seven years ago in a car crash while on her way home from the World Cup concert in Soweto.

Zenani died two days after her 13th birthday that Zoleka missed because she had been hospitalised for an attempted suicide as a result of a “drug-induced psychotic episode”.

“My daughter was tragically killed by a drunk driver ten days after I had tried to end my own life by setting my bedroom on fire with her and her brother in the next bedroom.

“I’m remembering all those times she cried and begged me to stay home, all those times I chose everything else – the men, the sex, the drugs and the alcohol over my own two children,” she said.

Born in 1997, Zoleka said Zenani was more of a mother to her son Zwelani than she ever was, further saying she was her “best friend”.

Zenani would have turned 20 on Friday, though the day is a painful reminder to Zoleka of how she “failed” her as a mother. She said she was a constant cause of her daughter’s tears, though Zenani still loved her mother “more than I can ever love myself”.

“As broken as I am after I inflicted so much hurt on her, I still feel her around me and in me – even though it hurts as much as it comforts me knowing that … sometimes I just wish I could take her place.

“We can never start over again so I can always choose her and Zwelami, I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to hold her again because nothing I do or say ever brings her back to me … even on days as gutting as this one is.”

She said though she had “failed” her as a mother, she could still honour her memory with gratitude. If it was not for her passing, her drug addiction would have killed her and left her son motherless, she added.

“Thank you, Zeni for making me the mother I am today! Happy birthday in Heaven, baby! Lala ngoxolo, mntanam’.”