WATCH: ‘My heart was so hard’… Siya Kolisi on marriage counselling, GBV and politics

Rugby World Cup-winning Springbok captain and Racing 92’s newest star player, Siya Kolisi, has revealed that, at one stage of their relationship, the couple had no choice but to turn to marriage counselling “because my heart was so hard and I didn’t know how to speak”.

In a moving interview with Welsh rugby player Dan Biggar at the Kolisi family’s Paris home, Siya opened up about his childhood marred by violence and bleak days of hunger.

Siya Kolisi: ‘I did not know how to speak’

The Bok captain confessed that he and Rachel had to go for marriage counselling to sustain their relationship.

“I had to go to marriage counselling because I couldn’t give everything to my wife; because my heart was so hard and I didn’t know how to speak,” Siya is quoted as saying in the up and close personal Daily Mail interview.

“In my late 20s, I started talking to someone and the first time I went, she said: ‘You are damaged in every level. The stuff that you saw is not normal’.”

SA’s toxic culture of GBV: ‘It becomes normal’

The toxic state of love and violence being intertwined in some South African communities, was one of the topics touched upon by Siya.

“In my community you see it so many times that it becomes normal. That’s not good, being immune to things like that. If a man and a woman argued, then it would end up in a fight, because men don’t really speak,” explained the Bok captain, who grew up in Gqeberha’s Zwide township before he found rugby as his salvation.

“It’s extreme, it’s bad. You have to speak about it, get through it. That’s why you grow up and your heart is so hard. That’s normal in my neighbourhood.”

‘Politics? Nah’: It’s all about the Kolisi Foundation for Siya

The 32-year-old rugby star who made his debut for Racing 92 on Sunday, dismissed Biggar’s question of whether he considered entering the political arena after hanging up his boots.

ALSO READ: WATCH: The Siya Kolisi speech that left SA with goosebumps

“Politics? Nah. You don’t want to see me there. I’m going to dedicate myself to my foundation [the Kolisi Foundation].

“I went to New York last week and did some fundraising for it. South Africa is No 1 in the world in gender-based violence. My aunt and my mum were the first people I knew who were being abused,” Siya said.

• The publication of Siya’s Daily Mail interview coincided with the start of 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence in South Africa on Saturday, 25 November.

Siya and Rachel Kolisi’s love story

According to Wedding ETC, Siya and Rachel became friends after meeting at a dinner party in Stellenbosch in 2012.

He eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date: “It was scary. I asked her to lunch and that’s when I told her. She played hard to get in the beginning, but eventually admitted it as well.”

He popped the “Big Question” while they were on a helicopter ride over Cape Town. The couple tied the knot on 13 August 2016 in Franschhoek.

WATCH: ‘Top Billing’ insert of Siya and Rachel’s wedding

ALSO READ: PICTURE: First glimpse of Siya Kolisi’s book ‘Rise’

Meet ‘Team Kolisi’

The couple welcomed their son, Nicholas Siyamthanda, into the world in 2015, followed in 2017 by the birth of daughter Keziah.

Siya’s young half-siblings Liyema and Liphelo also live with the family.

The Bok captain and his siblings share a mother who passed away in 2009, causing both Liyema and Liphelo to bounce from orphanages and foster homes for years until Siya and Rachel were financially able to adopt them in 2014.

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