Eugene Khoza answers our dad questions

Being a dad is…challenging at times but fun most of the time. It makes you realise that every moment passes and they get older by the second so you get to enjoy the time that you have, do things differently than what your parents did, and even better at times.

The last time I gagged….  was when she was seven or so and she was trying out concoctions and recipes. She made one with flower, water and food colouring. I had to pretend I was enjoying it but I ate it- but I almost threw up afterwards.

Last time I cried…It was during the process of us permanently staying together. It was the hardest time that we’ve ever gone through together and it finally came through – ya I cried.

My advice to dads… Be present, be loving, be kind. Kids will never miss anything else but being around you and I do know as dads we have different circumstances. Some dads get to see their kids once in a while. Some live with their kids, some have busy schedules at work so they never get to spend too much time with their kids. But your presence really matters to them. When they know that you’re there, that’s all that matter to them. Kids just want your attention and your presence and believe it or not they also want you to be happy.

The best part of being a dad… is being able to see how they grow and how happy they are, how they integrate into society and contribute better, in ways that you cant even image because you hear how they interact with their friends. Or hear what the parents of their friends, or their teachers say about them. In those moments you get to look back and say, “I’m proud of myself”.

My biggest challenge…would relate to being a single dad. Sometimes the exclusion that you feel, especially being a dad to a girl child in regards to trust when it comes to sleepovers or being invited to kids parties because its usually moms that organise the stuff so as a dad you always feel that you’re left out because won’t get an invite that easily. But over the years we’ve to have our new more normal, we find ways around it.

Biggest dad guilt… Is when I have to travel and I’m not able to do the stuff that we would’ve been able to do had I not been traveling. It’s part of my work, I get to spend more time away than at home, so I really have those moments of guilt and guilt is a useless emotion just like anger.

My success is measured by…. My presence, my awareness and my consciousness. The things that we do together and when I just see her thriving, and happy I know that I’ve done well for the day and for us we go step by step, day by day. Every Friday in the morning we give each other a high five and go, ”we made it kid. Cheers to another week!”. We’ve been doing that for years now so yeah

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The biggest affirmation… You are the most important thing in in my life and I love you always and a big hug.

Most important behaviourial attitude… Positivity, always being happy and the ability to take time out. She is very good  at being by herself and focusing on what she wants to focus on and rejoining me later, so I’ve learned that from her.

Work life balance as a dad... Surprisingly very easy thats what I’ve been doing since the day she was born, there’s a lot perks to it, for her and myself because I get to appreciate being home, so the balances there it’s our normal it’s what we do.

I hate when other parents… Reflect their insecurities or fears especially about raising girl children to you as a dad and making it as if the teenage years are gonna be horrible and you’re gonna regret it and just a gender compare also gets to me at times you know when people say that they would prefer having boys more than girls or girls are better off being raised by their mothers than their fathers. That I’ve learnt to deal with that. It makes me sad when people make those comparisons.

Parenting during a pandemic….. has been challenging, fun. We got spent time together and chose to look the positive side of it which is we get to be together, read, study. Now I’m a teacher, unbeknownst to me now. And I get to learn how to use Tik Tok from her and I get to hear more about school gossip than I did before. The negative of course is the uncertainty, but what can we do about it. We’re not the only ones, the whole world is feeling the same I guess.