Sneaky money: The cost of financial deceit for your relationship

In fact, some 31% of respondents in a recent CreditCards.com survey felt that keeping a credit card or savings account a secret from their partner was worse than being unfaithful.

And it appears that financial infidelity is rife. In the same 2018 survey, 15% of people admitted they weren’t always honest about money with their partners, while 23% said they didn’t think their partners were honest with them.

Two out of five people admitted to lying about money or hiding financial details from a partner. Besides the breakdown in trust, financial infidelity can cause arguments, unhappiness in the home, built-up resentment and anger, financial instability, and even divorce.

Types of financial infidelity

Here are some examples of covert money behaviour that can break down trust between couples:

Spending in secret:

This can include buying items and lying about the cost, not telling your partner about something you’ve purchased or getting family members or friends to lie on your behalf.

Hiding debt:

Secret spending and lying about expenditure may result in a person incurring debt and then hiding the debt from their partner. If their spending patterns do not change, the debt will grow and become more unmanageable.

Lying about income:

This may include a partner lying about how much he earns or keeping a bonus or increase secret from his partner so that he can spend the extra money.

Hiding accounts:

This could entail one party setting up secret bank accounts or holding secret credit cards in order to hide their purchases from the other. This often happens in the case of extramarital affairs.

Gambling:

Where one partner has problems with gambling, he or she is likely to gamble on the sly to avoid confrontation and arguments.

Lending money to others:

Lending money to family or friends without your partner’s consent or knowledge can be an enormous source of tension and can result in irreparable fracturing of family units.

Misleading your partner:

This can include acts of omission where one partner fails to communicate important financial information to the other, thereby leading him or her into a false sense of security.

Taking money out of savings:

Tantamount to stealing, this could involve one partner withdrawing money from the joint savings, withdrawing out of an investment or using money that the couple has earmarked for other purposes.

Taking major financial decisions without partner’s knowledge:

This can include one partner resigning from his job, buying a property, booking an overseas holiday, taking out a personal loan or upgrading a car without first consulting his partner. This form of betrayal can be particularly hurtful and result in built-up resentment.

Preventing financial infidelity

To ensure financial infidelity doesn’t find a home in your relationship, learn to communicate with your partner and have open discussions about money. Develop a financial plan in which both your goals and dreams are represented and make an effort to share the financial load. Regularly check up on your finances and don’t shy away from having robust conversations about your money.

Eric Jordaan is a director at Crue Invest

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