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Millennials are the latest generation to reach that life stage when you realise that your ageing parents may now well need ‘roll-up your sleeves’ support from you.
You are the adult now and the roles are reversed.
The tables are turned now and it comes with a mix of emotions and stress.
It is sad, frustrating and worrying to realise that your parents are elderly and more vulnerable. It can make you feel helpless and guilty when you cannot do more for them because of your life is already demanding.
However, there is a good side and there are two things that can help you to support your ageing parents effectively. Firstly, you must educate yourself about the unique landscape of your ageing parents and secondly access everything you can to help support them.
Educating yourself about the impact of their age on their physical health and emotional well-being, as well as their financial capabilities, level of home security and transportation needs will give you an objective, clear view of their situation.
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Accessing the tools, services and solutions you can use to support them as best you can prevent the responsibilities of parental care overwhelming you and derailing your life, such as the latest tech tool, Heritage Vault, a local solution for organising and securing all important estate information.
Rachelle Best, founder and CEO of Heritage Vault says families are different when it comes to their level of comfort about talking openly about their parents’ estate and end-of-life-planning.
“All too often, this can be tender or downright thorny ground and you may realise that you do not know if your parents have an up-to-date, legal will or that you do not have any idea of where to find their ID documents or the keys to their safe.”
Possibly, you do not know what their funeral wishes are either.
Best says depending on your family norms, this may be hard to talk about.
“The beauty of using a digital Heritage Vault is that the process of populating it serves as a step-by-step guide to all the information needed to efficiently manage and resolve your parents’ estate.”
She says you will know exactly what information will be required and this will help to prompt conversations about things that do not automatically spring to mind when it comes to estate and end of life planning.
“Ageing parents may want to avoid conversations about their estate plan and their end-of-life wishes due to fear of mortality or wanting to keep their finances and other personal matters private from their children, as they have done all their life.”
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Best says some may not trust their children with their sensitive information, while others worry that discussing inheritance or end of life decisions could spark conflict between their children.
Some elderly people are also not aware of the importance of estate planning or choose to procrastinate when it comes to getting their affairs in order.
There are ways to negotiate these roadblocks.
Best says it is important to encourage and facilitate open, honest and caring communications. You can make your parents aware that open communications now can avoid conflicts between family members after they pass.
However, you will not convince a recalcitrant or hesitant parent of this if you are not authentically respectful of their autonomy and their right to make the ultimate decisions over their lives and affairs.
“It is vital that you listen actively to your parents, make efforts to understand their points of view, demonstrate your respect for their concerns and wishes, act empathetically and genuinely help them to execute their wishes,” Best says.
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She warns against trying to pressure or persuade your parents that you know best for them as this will only cause conflict and shut down communications.
“Adult children must be patient with parents who are not comfortable having these vulnerable conversations.”
Best suggests that you open up the conversation and then keep providing reassurances and demonstrations that you respect their autonomy and will abide by their choices.
You can also suggest involving a trusted advisor, such as their financial service provider or lawyer to help ensure that their estate planning is comprehensive and up to date and that their end-of-life wishes, such as Living Will documentation and burial requests, are clear to you and your siblings.
“Heritage Vault enables your parents to sort and store all their important estate information in a high security digital vault and makes it accessible to their appointed confidants when they die or become incapacitated,” Best says.
You can help them upload their documents and organise them in 13 easy-to-find categories that includes everything an executor and loved one may need, such as lists of assets and liabilities, a copy of their Last Will and Testament and where to find the original and their instructions for the care of their beloved pets.
The benefits of setting up a Heritage Vault for your parents include centralised storage where it is easy to update documents, while they have peace of mind that their important information is organised, accurate and current.
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