Can we talk about money? Tips on how to discuss your finances

Talking about personal finances has been proven to be a difficult conversation for many South Africans.

This can be a conversation centred around one’s personal income, wills, investments, savings, and debt.

The unwillingness to open up about your personal finances is explained to be a barrier to improving financial literacy and confidence.

A report by Sanlam gives insights into how South Africans conduct themselves when the time to talk about finances approaches and gives tips on how these conversations can be had.  

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Income topic is off-limits

Mariska Oosthuizen, Chief Marketing Officer at Sanlam says it is time for this unhealthy tradition of not talking about finances to be broken. She lists cultural complexities, fear of judgement, and wealth guilt as one of the many reasons why it is difficult for people to talk about money.  

The report surveyed 1,581 participants, and out of that number, 43% said the topic of their income is off-limits.

33% avoid talking about their wills, 32% avoid conversations about their savings or investments, and 30% will not speak about their debt.

Breaking barriers

Sanlam is not happy with the results of the report and believes more can be done to normalise conversations about personal finances.

Such conversations can result in better mental well-being, decision-making, and financial outcomes. Oosthuizen adds that these conversations can foster closer, more resilient relationships.

“Our research shows that a third of people only discuss finances with loved ones every few months or less.”

Through Sanlam’s innovative Dirtiest Word campaign, they have launched a comedy show with some of South Africa’s comedians centred around financial education and the importance of talking about personal finance with your loved ones.

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Being vulnerable about financial challenges

She says when it comes to conversations about one’s income, there is no need to say the exact figures, but being vulnerable about financial challenges and success can build connection and encourage experience-sharing.

She acknowledges it is normal for many people to hesitate when asked about how much they earn. “There is often ‘wealth guilt’ if we feel we earn more, and a stigma of shame if we earn less.”

60% of the survey participants said they grew up in households where finances were never discussed.   

“Silence breeds shame and resentment, turning money into a source of fear and isolation. When you believe you are the only one struggling, it’s hard to ask for help, leading to spirals of debt and hopelessness,” says personal finance author Sam Beckbessinger.

Why don’t South Africans talk about wills?

Data by Sanlam estimates that 70% of South Africans do not have wills.

The two main reasons that can be attributed to this is the misconception that estate planning is only for the wealthy. The second reason is many people are reluctant to confront death.

Beckbessinger emphasises that since people’s financial lives are intertwined with others, and their decisions will impact them – it is important to have a will.

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Four questions to ask about wills

“Without a will, the legal system decides who gets what, which can be lengthy and impersonal, leading to financial strain for loved ones.”

She suggests starting conversations with questions like:

1. Who will inherit the family home, and why?
2. What big debts need to be settled?
3. How will differences in financial support be reflected in asset distribution?
4. What are your wishes for sentimental items?

Beckbessinger says answers to the above questions can prevent future misunderstandings, reduce debt where possible, and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Is it personal or is it a show-off?

Conversations about savings and investments also seem to be hard, as some perceive them to be too personal to discuss (47%), and some feel like they will be showing off (32%).

Oosthuizen says it is better to start children from a young age to discuss financial matters, this can be through letting them use platforms like Easy Equities to be comfortable with the basics of investing and talking about how much they have made.

While Beckbessinger emphasises that financial success is more about behaviour than products.

“You do not need to master complex financial terms; understanding a few core concepts like assets, compounding, and risk management can make you better with money than most.

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Most people spend their salaries paying down debt

Debt is the conversation most people avoid, according to the survey. This is despite Sanlam’s Financial Confidence Index revealing that more people are willing to discuss debt than last year.

“On average, South Africans spend 65% of their salaries paying down debt, according to DebtBusters.”

Beckbessinger says low financial literacy is a widespread issue. She stresses that at school children learn about Romeo and Juliet but not credit scores.

“Only 4 in 10 working South Africans have a certified financial adviser, leaving many without a plan.”

Conversations are key to sharing knowledge and adopting healthier financial habits. Especially given that so much financial knowledge and many products.

How to talk about money when you don’t want to

Sanlam’s money relationship therapist, Luxolo Isabelle Dywili says discussing uncomfortable financial topics can help heal money traumas, build confidence, and reduce anxiety.

She suggests doing a monthly financial check-in with family and friends.

“Link the conversation to a news event or social media post to make it organic. Stick to one or two topics, be clear about your goals, and ask open-ended questions. Expressing gratitude for someone’s willingness to have these talks can make the conversation smoother.”

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