Eish! 7.7.2017 12:27 pm

‘One febenist, one blesser’: husband-seeking feminist rattles ANCWL’s cage

President Jacob Zuma delivers the opening address of the ANC's 5th national policy conference at Nasrec, Johannesburg. Picture: Yeshiel Panchia

President Jacob Zuma delivers the opening address of the ANC's 5th national policy conference at Nasrec, Johannesburg. Picture: Yeshiel Panchia

To eliminate catfights, the ANC must accelerate radical gender transformation by ensuring deployees in government become polygamists, the feminist cadre writes.

ANC Women’s League member from Gauteng Primrose Mokonyane is furious with the league’s president, Bathabile Dlamini. She would have preferred that the marital status of the male delegates Dlamini sent to the ANC national policy conference on the women’s league ticket be disclosed.

“Comrade Dlamini didn’t even mention whether these delegates were single or not, so how am I supposed to guess whether any would be able to advance my revolutionary interests through marriage?” she asks.

Writing in the Mail & Guardian, Mokonyane is perplexed about this nondisclosure, as finding a husband within the ranks of the comrades who congregated at Nasrec was a key objective.

“I joined the ANC 10 years ago, and now, at the age of 28, this may be my last chance to ensure a feminist future by snagging a husband who can afford bottle service at the Saxonwold shebeen.

“With my looks deserting me faster than President Jacob Zuma’s family packing for Dubai, I’ve been hubby-hustling since Friday [the opening day of the policy conference held recently],” she confessed.

READ MORE: EFF ‘blesser’ heckling gets ANC in a lather

And she was strategic about her conference engagements, saying: “I even woke up extra early to attend one of these Progressive Business Forum breakfasts that the ANC holds with capitalists.”

“Then this ‘febenist’ [the blessed] sits down next to me. I don’t know whether her weave was freshly scalped off one of the Gupta nieces, but damn, it was fine! ‘Febenist’ be like, where is the minister? ‘Trick’ be like, no, where is the finance minister?

“I steal a glance at her phone. Bless her, she’s been sexting Malusi Gigabyte. I didn’t see if ‘C.L.I.T’ or ‘A.S.S’ was requested by ‘Minister Gigaba’ or whether he had sent a picture of the national treasure, sadly,” she regales.

Mokonyane doubts, though, whether this liaison would have materialised, particularly as it is rumoured Gigabyte has been suffering from “technical recession”, as suggested by most analysts.

“It’s really tough working the feminist trenches at the ANC policy conference. Often, I feel like the only kind of feminism that exists here is premised on proximity to patriarchy. Not a bad thing, generally, but if there aren’t enough rich men to sidle up to, then you know it’s gonna be a catfight,” she pontificates.

“If we need radical economic transformation, then we probably need radical gender transformation even more desperately,” she goes for the jugular.

Not the one to despair, she offers a solution: “The ANC can start the process by taking taking a resolution to ensure everyone one of its deployees in government becomes a polygamist – at least that way there would be enough men to go around.”

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