Currently, a popular Gauteng radio station is exhorting people to gather at Kyalami this Saturday, and run around the circuit.
We oppose this with all our heart, liver, lungs, kidneys and pancreas, plus at least half of our spleen. Race circuits like Kyalami were designed to accommodate vehicles with internal combustion engines, driven at high speeds.
People who wish to run around such places on foot blithely ignore the fact that nature created the human body in such a way that it fits exactly inside the motor car.
Therefore, getting around a race track in any other way than on wheels messes with a fundamental law of the universe. Mark my words, this will not end well. Luckily, there are people who understand the basic nature of how things are supposed to link up.
Audi, for instance. They understand the need to chain the concepts of high performance, coupe, turbocharger and all-wheel drive together. That is the recipe for the new Audi A5 Coupe 2.0T FSI quattro Stronic Sport.
The newcomer differs from its predecessor via an all-new chassis, sophisticated aerodynamics and less body mass.
Boasting a long engine hood, stretched wheelbase, short overhangs and a large black grille, the A5 Coupe looks mean, fast and sophisticated at the same time. The looks do not deceive – it goes like a bastard.
The four-cylinder 2.0T FSI engine produces 185 kW of power and 370 Nm of torque, which gets to the wheels via an eight-speed tiptronic gearbox with quattro allwheel drive.
The combination sees the car spurt forward in a most rewarding fashion whenever prodded.
Audi say it will go from standstill to 100 km/h in under six seconds, with an electronically controlled top speed of 250 km/h, and we have no reason to disbelieve them. But what makes the car special is the way it goes about things.
The new chassis – designed to offer optimal comfort combined with high agility – does just that, co-existing perfectly with the quattro system and wide 18-inch alloy wheels. The car sits stable, smooth and unflustered during hard cornering.
The electromechanical power steering, which varies its ratio depending on speed and turning angle, feeds road information to your hands in uncanny fashion. In fact, after some speedy progress through the Barry Hertzog curves, I thought, fleetingly, that I am actually a brilliant driver.
We made no attempts to drive the test vehicle in a frugal fashion, but managed an overall fuel consumption figure of 7,8 l/100 km. Smoother drivers should achieve much better figures. Typically Audi, the interior is impeccably outfitted and extremely comfortable.
The rear seats are no more than a gesture, but that is the true nature of a two-door coupe, and this one even offers reasonable luggage space at a volume of 465 litres. In terms of information and infotainment, the vehicle offers everything that can click, bang or call Oprah direct.
This includes a 30-centimetre high-resolution display on the centre console. An MMI terminal has control logic similar to that of a smartphone, including an intelligent free text search function and natural voice control.
Customers choosing MMI navigation plus automatically get the hardware module Audi connect which allows the vehicle to be a Wi-Fi hotspot for up to eight devices, while also accessing Google Earth Navigation and Google Street View.
Standard features include automatic opening for the luggage lid, Xenon plus headlights and LED rear lights, headlight washers, an indirect tyre pressure monitoring system, a leather covered multi-function steering wheel, automatic air conditioning, a rear parking aid and electrically adjustable front seats.
One feature we did not like was the Marie Biscuit type space saver spare wheel. One has to question how much space such devices save, against having to fit it while on a long journey late at night.
At R757 500 the Audi A5 Coupé 2.0T FSI quattro Stronic Sport is by no means cheap, but you get a lot of car for the money. It would be an ideal weekend toy for rich people whose kids have left home.
The vehicle comes standard with Audi’s five- year/100 000km Freeway Plan.