So, I was chatting to some of my friends who are unburdened by the shackles of parenthood, and I made a passing reference to a current children’s programme. I was shocked into the realisation that they had no clue what I was talking about.
They live in a Nickelodeon-free world where they can sit on the couch and – literally – watch whatever they like. And it doesn’t even have to be animated. But still, I feel for them. They are missing out on a world of 12-minute crazy antics involving an inordinate number of talking animals.
I feel it is my duty to open them up to the world of children’s entertainment. So, here is a description of some of the current favourites:
Paw Patrol
A bumbling mayor and her deputy mayor – a chicken that lives in her bag – are constantly getting into difficulties in the unbelievably high-tech town of Adventure Bay. Yet, at no stage are they ever actually doing any form of public service.
The emergency team consists of six puppies specialising in various rescue skills all under the control of a boy named Ryder. There is only one female puppy, and she’s constantly side-lined, despite having the most useful vehicle – a helicopter.
Blaze and the Monster Machines
Paw Patrol…but with trucks. Blaze is the lead truck or ‘monster machine’. He’s driven by a young boy named AJ. They have 5 other monster machine friends who – for no known reason – don’t need a human to drive them as Blaze does.
Sometimes they transform into other vehicle types and robots…but they’re not transformers (although really, they are). They live in a world consisting of race tracks and do lots of maths and engineering. They taught me the phrase ‘centripetal force’.
Beat Bugs
This one at least has a great Beatles soundtrack…which is somehow forced into the narrative about 5 bugs living in a backyard. A beetle, cricket, ladybug, a fruit fly and a theatrical slug getting into all manner of hijinks while bopping to ‘Here Comes the Sun’ and ‘Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds’.
I was particularly confused when the slug – conveniently named Walter Walrus started singing ‘Come Together’ with an egg shell on his head…’I am the eggman…I am the Walrus…’. Ok.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Can you believe this has made a comeback? While adults may recognise this one from their own childhood years, it’s still worth breaking down, because the creators were definitely doing some serious narcotics when they came up with this concept.
Four sewer-dwelling turtles mutated into massive ninja-type superheroes and are named after Italian artists of the Renaissance. Their sensei (karate teacher and leader) is a massive rat named Splinter. The turtles are friends with a human journalist named April, and they are constantly fighting a mix of bizarre enemies including the villainous ninjutsu The Shredder, and his intellectually-impaired henchman Beebop and Rockstead (a mutated warthog and rhino).
One way or another, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are able to eat endless amounts of pizza in the sewer without ever getting diarrhoea.
These show creators are on a winning wicket. They somehow get the children hooked onto these insufferable characters, and then they sell their merchandise at prices that could buy even the most expensive politician.
HAVE YOUR SAY
Like our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter.
For news straight to your phone invite us:
WhatsApp – 072 069 4169
Instagram – zululand_observer
