Having to get my son’s passport renewed for an urgent trip to Swaziland has once again reminded me of ‘life on the inside’ at the Home Affairs office.
What they tell you, what they don’t, what you learn while serving your ‘time’ and what you can share with others when you are on the other side of it.
First things first – get a ticket (number) from the enquiries counter. This will become your identity while you’re in there. Strip yourself of any previous ideas about yourself. Your number is who you are right now.
You might think that you understand what you are supposed to do next, especially if your trip to the department isn’t just meant to update one document…
As it goes in life, we leave everything to the last minute, when you absolutely have to go to the department.
And then when you arrive there, all sorts of paperwork await.
So with all this in mind, you now stand there bewildered because the queue the lady at enquiries has just sent you to doesn’t seem like the one that you should be starting at.
So you end up walking miles to the end of that queue and questioning yourself the whole way, ‘Is this the right queue?’.
The other people in the line don’t seem to have all the papers I have?
The woman in front is holding a baby, perhaps she is here to register a new baby. He looks really old though, so maybe she is here to claim a social grant?
So you stand firm and hold the faith since no sign indicates you’re in the right place… but, you have a number, you’ve taken time off work, lugged your child out of school and now have to politely engage in small talk with his father whom you have just served with a divorce summons.
Great… just stand.
Secondly, the lessons.
Be polite and the world becomes easier on the inside. I learnt this after my second trip outside to still my nicotine cravings.
Coming back to my ‘spot’, which was now a seat, I saw an elderly lady standing, so I politely offered her my chair.
This started a chain reaction. Before, no one really gave up their precious seats for any new person joining the queue.
Suddenly everyone younger started to see this as a gesture of a goodwill and the next thing everyone was happily doing it.
Oh, and about the seats…
These are not a traditional chair type seats. These sit on makeshifts, old abandoned computer towers now being used as the legs of broken chair tops.
So I sat.
Then you start making friends. By this time, two hours into it, I started to fit in and people started to ask questions, such as ‘what number are you?’.
That’s when I realised I’m not the only one in here that has no clue about where we are in the system.
I was just praying that I would get out today.
By this time you start watching the time, looking at the counters and seeing so many people still needing to be processed and thinking to yourself, ‘I haven’t been moving much for the last hour – and the sign on the door, the only sign I could see, was the one with the office hours clearly stipulated: Monday – Friday 8am to 3.30pm and every last Wednesday of the month, 9am – 3.30pm.
Then the cold sweat starts – and the question to your fellow ‘inmates’, politely asking what time they got here? The person behind me pipes up: ‘Since 8am…’
By this time I’m really stressed. How are we going to get through all of this today? It’s now a quarter to three and I haven’t moved – and they say they are closing at 3.30.
So what does this mean? Does this mean someone will come around soon and say: ‘Sorry, were closing, please come back tomorrow’?
Patiently, or not so patiently, I decide I’m committed. I can’t replay these queues the next day, that’s just insane. I’ll have to wait and see.
ALSO READ: Home Affairs visit a torture for many
Another chap from our area returns from his trip outside and says to us, ‘Hey guys, they have now locked the gates outside and it looks as though if you’re in here, then they have to get through with your applications and process you.’
Relief! It’s now 3.15 and I don’t feel like I’ve just totally wasted my life.
Bring refreshments along if you can remember. But don’t stress yourself too much if you haven’t. There is a street vendor outside that sells a 20 buck coke, so also have some extra cash at hand – no, not to bribe anyone with since there are big posters up staying ‘Say no to crime and corruption’.
I could help but ask myself if the Guptas made those posters.
3:15 is definitely GO time. Suddenly there is a buzz in the air and the loudspeakers keep calling in a very American voice recording, ticket number 165 to counter 6. Say that out loud and you’ll soon realise that the word ‘to’ can sound like another digit in the calling up of your number.
So suddenly the queue is moving and there seems to be fewer people in the building.
All hopes are up, we’re now sitting on real benches and really in front of a counter that has sign boards overhead with information about what you’re doing in this line is all about.
Looking around now from the front, everything started to fall in place. I started to see the end of the queues and suddenly started to understand the system within the system. I think there is a Morse code language in the place and
I just hadn’t figured it out until then.
Our number is up… ticket number 187 ‘2’ counter 6. Jay, that’s us, finally.
The lady with a very well-groomed set of eyebrows and a pretty smile asks us how we are and states that she has had such a long day.
It’s now 4pm and were getting excited, we’ll be done in just a few minutes. She says, ‘Left thumb, right thumb, cell number and address.’
Oh wait, the system just crashed, lets restart, and now she’s getting anxious, looking at her watch.
I smile and say it’s alright, we have been here for a really long time, please carry on.
Left thumb, right thumb, cell number and address… and as she presses the last enter button, the system goes down again!
This was repeated five times. The system kept on crashing.
Just my luck, I think.
Eventually, after five failed attempts to restart the system, the office manager comes over to her desk and asks us if we wouldn’t mind coming back tomorrow.
It’s now 5pm and the system doesn’t want to start up again…
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