Make driving a compulsory school subject for learners
Do away with maths, because the standard has anyway been lowered to a level my dog can pass while half asleep and licking his under-tail areas
Cars and driving should be made a school subject, compulsory from Grade 8 upwards.
Do away with maths, because the standard has anyway been lowered to a level my dog can pass while half asleep and licking his under-tail areas.
Teach them car history, mechanics, maintenance and, most importantly, how to bloody drive!
To see the logic in my suggestion, just compare the number of people earning a salary by simply driving some sort of vehicle, to the number of people who require more than the ability to count on their fingers in the workplace.
A company really in need of someone who doesn’t think 2×0 = 2, can just hire someone from China.
The Chinese are clever chaps and their children don’t just attend school to make videos of teachers calling them idiots.
Or said company can employ my Jack Russell.
It will work for a bag of dog food, doesn’t belong to a union and won’t set the factory on fire if it doesn’t get its belly rubbed.
Ride-on lawnmowers
The Grade 8 motor class can be all about road safety, for example instilling in the young minds the concept that if you go around a sharp bend at 140km/h in a Toyota Tazzafter 12 Black Labels and while talking on the phone, your head will explode against the nearest tree.
Just the basics because, remember, while their heads are bigger, their brains have become smaller and already close to capacity with whatever Snoop Poodle and Nikki Fataj feed them.
In Grade 9 they can be gently introduced to automotive history.
Also just the basics, such as Ford is made roughly in the same part of the globe were Eminem is from, and that Ayrton Senna was a famous racing driver, not a bottled fake French fragrance by Justine Bieber.
In Grade 9 they can be introduced to the serious stuff, such as attempting to operate some sort of vehicle.
I suggest ride-on lawnmowers to start off with, because if young Julias slices Sam’s foot off, you know he’s not cut out to operate anything motorised, and should be moved to art class.
Parking straight
By Grade 10, those who still have all their limbs can be put in cars.
Not in motion yet, but stationary.
Let them sit in the cars in groups of four and have them make engine noises for as long as it takes to make a ‘dorp-to-dorp’ journey.
Lock the doors and close the windows so they can learn not to throw rubbish out. It will also train their bladders to last at least until the next Ultra City.
These are important lessons because SA drivers have become a bunch of littering prostate cases.
In Grade 11, those who survived heat stroke and who still refuse to take up art, can be allowed, very slowly, to move the cars around in a big open area.
The rugby field will do because the only obstacles are the two posts and they are 100m apart.
Special effort should be made in getting them to drive straight into a parking bay without smashing the underside against the curb, because that has become a lost trade.
Safer roads
In Grade 12, if there are still cars with intact front suspensions, learners can be let out onto the road.
Kill a teacher and you fail motor class – and you fail matric.
Give them a second chance, to be fair, but if they fail again, it’s obvious that such persons are not to operate anything more sophisticated than a wheelbarrow.
Our roads will be quite empty, but safe.
And there might be a serious shortage of teachers after a while.
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