MY STORY: Fighting the demons of depression

WHEN Thabiso’s wife left him for another man in 2011, his world came crashing down.

It too him to a dark place of severe depression and suicide attempts.

On the road to recovery, Thabiso opened up his heart to the Zululand Observer and shared his story which almost destroyed his life.

In 2011 Thabiso had a good job, a great group of friends and a lovely home. However when his marriage ended he lost everything.

‘We were married for eight years when my wife decided the marriage was not working out for her. I loved my wife and the pain of losing her changed my world.

‘I changed and eventually I didn’t even recognise myself,’ said Thabiso.

‘My heartache soon turned into depression and it got really bad. I became short tempered and losing it in front of customers at my work. It did not take long for my co-workers to notice something was seriously wrong and I lost my job because of my behaviour,

‘Not being able to pay for my bond, I also lost my home and friends started rejecting me. Everything seemed to come crashing down on me all at once and I didn’t want to live anymore.’

As the depression worsened and with no one to talk to, Thabiso started having breakdowns and panic attacks. It was not long before he downed a bottle of sleeping pills and woke up in hospital two days later – his first suicide attempt.

‘I had moved back to my parents’ house and my mother found me foaming at the mouth and took me to hospital.

After I was discharged, I had hoped the worst was behind me. ‘Little did I know what lay ahead.’

Over the years had four more suicide attempts which landed him in hospital.

‘After my third attempt, one of my good neighbours drove me to the hospital as I cried in the passenger seat. I was terrified as we entered the emergency room, but it didn’t take long for the doctor to realise I needed to be taken in at a psychiatric ward.

‘I was admitted that same night. Unfortunately this would not be the last time as I was admitted on two more occasions after that.

‘I was still feeling lost. My negative emotions continued to overpower me and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I remained in a chronic suicidal state for months..

‘The longing for freedom from the pain never went away. I hated myself for something totally out of my control.’

After years of treatment, Thabiso is now back home and still picking up the pieces of what used to be his life.

‘I’m in a better state now and want to share my story because society believes men should bottle things up inside and not show emotion.

‘Depression is a serious mental illness which needs to be treated. Qualified doctors can make you feel better again. It is not something to be ashamed of, but you need to let your friends and family know what you are going through so that you can get help,’ said Thabiso.

He is currently building his life and hope to one day present lectures about the illness to other men and create a support group to help other people going through the same ordeal.

ALSO READ: Clinical depression is on the rise

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