Ask Dr Mo – A win-win situation

Question from Vinesh:

Dr Mo, when I met my wife some years ago she was like a Ferrari; great to look at with impeccable handling, even in tight corners.

Nowadays the old girl has become too much like a seven-seater SUV – slow to get off the mark and with a lot of body roll around bends.

How do I get her to lose all that junk in the trunk without hurting her feelings?

Dr Mo Lovemore answers:

Vinesh, I’ve got the perfect solution to your oversized problem, and it involves cars.

I take it you prefer your ride like you do your curry – so hot that you need a change of pants after a lunchtime.

Well, buy your wife a two-door sports car.

Something along the line of a roadster, with bucket seats and which sits only 5cm above the tarmac.

I hear some women actually start to hyperventilate at the sight of an Audi TT…

Tell her it’s because you love her.

She will be very happy, until she realizes that she needs a forklift to get inside.

And when she does manage to get herself down there, she will discover that though the seats are covered lavishly in cow hide, they are not designed to hold one.

Vinesh, this is the part where you offer some sort of apology and say that you will take the car back and rather buy her a Toyota Quantum.

To show her that you share in her pain, try and shed a tear or two.

A bit of masala rubbed on your eyelids will help a great deal.

She will say that you will lose too much money if you have to sell the car again, but the truth is that she doesn’t want to be seen driving a Quantum.

My friend, whichever way it goes from here, you will reap the benefits.

If she decides to go on the mother of all diets, you can drive the car until she is smaller than the door opening, and if she starts training for next year’s Comrades, you can follow behind her – in the sports car of course.

It will motivate her to go the extra mile.

If she fails you have a hot car, but if she succeeds then you have a sexy wife and a hot car.

Both ways you win!