CONFLICT is inevitable. Some will even contend that it is necessary.
It’s as true in a marriage as it is in society in general.
Disagreement is healthy and can be constructive: the alternative is that people become doormats to be walked all over.
Simply accepting the status quo has little value, and issues and people must be challenged.
Positive change and social improvement could never happen without conflict.
It’s true that there are no negative human emotions – only negative ways of expressing them.
I remember during a tour of a local industry some years ago seeing a sign that read: ‘The triumph of unhappy people in the workplace’.
It was the victory of people who did not accept the ‘that’s the way we’ve always done it’ mentality.
They believed – quite rightly – that things could be done better, faster, more economically and so on.
So, disagreement and differences – which may be aired and debated vigorously and passionately – are no problem, as long as it is the problem that’s being attacked, rather than the person.
Even the Bible says: ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.’
Which brings me to the point of these ramblings: why does violence appear so often to be the only option in this country?
We disagree or are unhappy with someone, so we physically attack them.
We don’t like what’s happening (or not happening) in our community, so we burn down buildings, loot shops, block roads and do other unlawful things that not only create huge expenses and additional hardships, but also penalise the innocent who have nothing to do with the problem.
Strangely, even if we are angry with our employer, we go on the rampage and smash and trash everything that comes our way – like passing vehicles.
Resorting to violence should, if at all necessary, be a last resort. Unfortunately it very often seems to be the first course of action.
It’s probably true that many people who resort to violence have themselves been victims of injustice, hurt and disappointments.
What is obvious, is that South Africans generally are not too skilled on conflict resolution, a fact that is most evident when we look at the plague of gender-based violence.
We need to learn lessons of self-worth, communication skills, diplomacy, problem solving, debating, negotiation, mediation, conflict resolution skills and the many other available alternatives.
Understanding the point of view of others and showing respect even to those with whom we disagree, will go a long way to relieving tensions that otherwise would boil over.
