Diary of a mother who lost the will to live

AN alarming number of local people have in the past two months committed suicide and in a close-knit community, such a tragedy leaves almost no-one untouched.

Their deaths left terrible scars on their loved ones, who must now cope with personal loss, emotional shock, financial implications and feelings of guilt, which tell them, convincingly, they have not done enough to foresee or prevent it.

A Zululand Observer reader, ‘Nadia’, who attempted suicide, but was rescued by her toddler’s cry for help in the nick of time, shares her story:

‘In 2008, at the age of 24, I tried to take my own life. I swallowed 30 sleeping pills, wrote my goodbyes and dozed off. At the time I thought I was doing everyone a favour.’

‘I felt like a constant burden to those around me, never realising depression manipulated me into believing this.

‘About 5am, my two year-old son came to wake me, but when I did not respond, he became distraught and decided to wake up his granny.

‘My mom came to wake me and when she saw the letters, realised what I had done.

‘I was immediately rushed to hospital where my stomach was pumped and I was kept in hospital under supervision 24/7. ‘I felt like a prisoner in my own body.

‘My timing was out by one hour, the doctor said.

That hour saved my life.

‘I was put on this earth for a reason, and the saying ‘everything happens for a reason’ is so true.

‘On the evening of my attempt, I was having dinner with my folks and suddenly started throwing up.

‘My parents told me to stay over in case I needed help with my son, so I very hesitantly agreed.

‘I believe it was divine intervention by God. ‘I had to wait for them to fall asleep before taking the pills, which is where the hour delay came in and saved my life.

‘After a few days in hospital, I was sent to a rehabilitation centre for trauma counselling and was diagnosed with depression.

‘Everything then started to make sense.

‘I was taught coping tools to deal with my emotions and illness.

‘Looking back, I now realise how selfish suicide is.

‘My son would have grown up without a mom and my parents would have been left with the scars of losing their daughter.

‘They would have blamed themselves for the rest of their lives for not seeing the signs.

‘I thank the Good Lord that I am still here today.

‘I have since learned that when I feel that demon of depression trying to take control of me, I seek help instead of being my own worst enemy and entertaining my mind with negative thoughts.

‘I take a drive somewhere with my music blaring, singing at the top of my voice, because music always lifts the spirit.

‘There are always solutions to your problems.

‘Ending your own life is not an option and will leave a trail of hurt behind you.

‘Get the help you need, because talking takes the weight of the world off your shoulders.

‘You will start feeling lighter and lighter as time goes by.

‘Depression is a real illness and by no means a sign of a person’s weakness or character flaw.

‘If you have depression, you are not alone and have nothing to feel ashamed about.

‘Stop allowing society to treat you as an outcast or look down upon you because of your illness.

‘Many do not understand depression and how it affects the lives of so many of us.

‘Let us help them understand our illness and how to cope with it.

‘People interpret being depressed as sadness, but sadness is only a small portion of it.

‘There are other parts to depression such as fatigue, decreased energy, difficulty sleeping, irritability, restlessness, change in appetite, weight fluctuation and the list goes on.

‘When a person suffers from depression, it interferes with their daily living and normal functioning.

‘Living with depression can be very overwhelming, which is why it is vital to have a support system.

‘This is where our friends and family need to step in.

‘I understand caring for someone with depression is not easy, but try to be a bit more understanding and patient with our condition.

‘We thrive on emotional support and encouragement.

‘Listen to our feelings and don’t be so quick to just dismiss them.

Where can you seek help and support?

LifeLine Zululand – situated in Arboretum, 14 Bauhenia Bend. Their crisis line number, which operates 24hrs a day, is 035 7897788 and allows callers to discuss a range of challenges from trauma and suicide to relationship issues.

Drug and alcohol abuse – support can be obtained at the offices of SANCA Zululand. They offer assessment, medical treatment, family counselling, relapse management, drug testing and run self-help groups. The Empangeni office is situated at 12 Jenner Road, Nyala Park, telephone 035 7723290, national toll free number 086 14 SANCA/ 086 14 72622, email shireen.sanca@ gmail.com

Do you want to tell your story?

Would you like to share a life experience with the objective of raising understanding or awareness or do you have a positive and heartwarming story which will offer encouragement? Email zulobs@ zob.co.za. Emails will be treated with confidentiality. Subject: My Life Story

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