How to bowl out red light jumpers

CURRENTLY we have a major problem at intersections – at least three drivers jump the light every time it changes to red.

Traffic authorities are too busy setting up roadblocks to attend to this problem, so I have come up with a solution.

Why not use beggars to stop guys from flying over red lights?

Think about it…

They are already positioned there, basically doing absolutely nothing for 12 hours a day, so we might as well put them to good use.

And what traffic cop will last a whole day on his feet in the sun anyway?

No, I’m telling you, the beggars will put an end to people skipping red lights.

‘But how will the beggars get them to stop?’ I hear you ask.

Well, here is the genius of my idea – each beggar should have with him a bag of stones, slung around his neck, perhaps?

Then, when he sees a driver jumping the red light he should throw a stone at a vehicle’s windscreen.

Windscreens are expensive, so believe me once will be enough to get the message across.

These beggars will execute their jobs with gusto, because for them every red light jumper is a potential R5 tip speeding off into the distance.

It’s fool proof!

Golf ball size projectiles

Like car guards and trolley pushers the ‘bowling beggars’ will very soon get out of hand, so it might be a good idea to regulate what is bound to become a very competitive informal industry.

Two rules are enough; projectiles should preferably not exceed cricket ball size, and for safety reasons, not have any sharp edges.

These basic rules are necessary to prevent the large scale theft of bricks from building sites at night.

Of course there will be a few hiccups along the way, as with anything in Africa involving money…

Corrupt beggars might be tempted to accept incentives from automotive glass fitters to be a bit ‘trigger happy’.

And more cars stopping at traffic lights will result in more tips, which in return mean more booze for Bruce, possibly causing his aim to be a bit off, therefore hitting the wrong car occasionally. But it will be a small price to pay for the guarantee that you will not be T-boned by a taxi.

And another big spin off is that the national cricket selectors might discover the next Allan Donald or Fanie de Villiers in East Central Arterial.