Dr Hebron Mazibuko, an Association of Christian Religious Practitioners (ACRP) accredited religious professional, is a premarital and post marital marriage therapist and marital enrichment speaker who has been a counsellor in Kwa-Thema, and on various radio stations, for the past 18 years.
He has this advice for couples:
As couples spend more time in the same space during lockdown, it’s not surprising that tensions sometimes rise.
Anxiety about work, disrupted routines, childcare issues, lack of social connections, and struggles to be productive at home may lead couples to vent their frustrations at each other.
Carve out alone time
Couples thrive when there’s a healthy balance between time spent together and time spend apart.
However, due to the Covid-19 lockdown, creating separate spaces is now more difficult than ever.
Still, it’s important to physically remove yourself from your partner for an hour or two each day.
Go into your backyard, your child’s room, your home office, anywhere you can carve out some alone time.
If you live in a studio or loft where there are no real walls, create zones for each other and retreat to your separate corners.
No matter your living situation, the essential ingredient is communicating when you need alone time, as this is likely to be different every day.
And when your spouse requests a similar break, honour it.
Also read:
Is co-habitation the right choice for you?
Focus on the short-term and develop a plan together
For many people, anxiety is fed by two main things: fear of the unknown and wanting to control the future.
In moments of stress, the mind can spiral into a series of “what ifs”, and then we get swept up in an abyss of unknowns.
When trying to clear the clouds of anxiety, it’s helpful to periodically remind yourself to take things one day at a time while simultaneously creating short-term plans with your spouse.
Put your heads together and brainstorm ways to take care of the essentials:
- How will you home-school your children?
- How will each of you work from home?
- How will you manage any medical needs?
- How will you tackle necessary runs to the supermarket or pharmacy?
Come up with simple, prudent, feasible plans that fit the directives of your city or township. The Covid-19 situation is evolving, and new developments may require tweaks to these plans, but by getting a handle on each day you will quell your anxieties while fostering teamwork.
Remember, no one is perfect
Has your partner been moodier than usual, on edge, lethargic or overly frenetic?
In times of the prolonged stress or alarm, mood swings are common, and the Covid-19 pandemic is all the more difficult because it’s something we’ve never faced before.
We’re all flying blind on this one.
If your spouse’s behaviour has been unusual, give extra attention to the mood, and remember not to internalize it or read into it.
If you are concerned you’ve somehow triggered them emotionally, simply ask directly and calmly.
If they say their mood has nothing to do with you, believe it.
Everyone will react to this rapidly shifting landscape in their own unique way, and it’s not your job to jump into your spouse’s brain and determine their thoughts.
We are all stressed these days and have a responsibility to manage our behaviours, but no one is perfect.
Remember that.
Follow us on:
