16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children kicked off last Monday.
And every year I wonder if we are doing enough to fight the scourge.
I believe that one of the reasons gender-based violence (GBV) continues, and deepens, is because violence towards women and children is ‘accepted’ in our society.
Most people, when asked, will say they are completely against it, but in practice we don’t do our part.
To me it feels like we are fighting from the wrong side.
It is clear that, for some reason, a war has been waged against women.
According to the South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC), GBV is a term generally used to capture violence that occurs as a result of the normative role expectations associated with each gender, as well as the unequal power relationships between the genders within the context of a specific society.
It can refer to women and girls, as well as men and boys, as victims.
But, the primary targets of GBV as victims in South Africa are women and adolescent girls.
This is made worst by gender discrimination and lower socio-economic status.
From Refiloe Moshime to Uyinene Mrwetyana, it is easy for me to see how it could be me or my sister, even my niece.
Too close to home.
Sometimes after these incidences women will react with #metoo, with the intention of exposing more perpetrators.
But it just does not seem enough.
In fact, to me, it appears that women are part of the reason why many victims do not get justice.
A few weeks ago I was speaking to a woman whose son had been arrested for assault.
She said she wanted to speak to the victim, who is the son’s girlfriend.
Unfortunately, she was not trying to find out if the girl was okay or understand what had happened.
Her only goal was to convince the girl to drop the charges against her son.
Her only concern was her son’s well-being.
Even though her son could very well be an abuser.
I was floored.
After picking my jaw up from the floor, I realised this was not the first time this shock passed through me.
Many women have been witnesses to crimes committed by their husbands, brothers, boyfriends and sons.
Many women consciously choose to ‘protect’ perpetrators instead of victims.
Many women cover up abuse happening in their homes on a daily basis.
This year Statistics South Africa (StatsSA) estimated that 21 per cent of women over the age of 18 have experienced physical violence by a partner, while six per cent of women have experienced sexual violence by a partner.
However, this may be very far from the truth since many victims, and witnesses, do not report their cases.
GBV continues because women have no sympathy for each other.
The thing that makes me stop the car when I see a guy I know drag his girlfriend across the street, even though I am putting my own life on the line, is the hope that if the tables were turned she would do the same for me.
I cannot let anyone’s daughter die while I watch because when my little sister and niece are more than a thousand kilometres away, in PE, I certainly hope that a woman will have the courage to intervene and save them.
If we are at war, we need to pick a side.
Maybe before we continue to ‘march’ and print T-shirts with the victims’ faces on, some of us need to go to the police station and make statements.
We need to tell the truth.
In it’s Crime Against Women in South Africa study, StatsSA shows how attitudes and perceptions play a very important role in shaping human behaviour, including criminal activity and vulnerability to crime.
They point out how attitudes towards women, driven mostly by cultural and religious beliefs, determine how women are treated in society.
This includes attitudes of women about themselves and each other.
In the study, the first question on attitudes asked respondents whether, in general, it is acceptable for a man to hit a woman.
It is estimated from the survey that 3.3 per cent of men and 2.3 per cent of women in South Africa think it is acceptable for a man to hit a woman.
It could, therefore, be fair to conclude that it is not possible to eliminate violence against women when there are women who still believe it is
acceptable to be hit by a man.
If we are going to create an environment where even prospective perpetrators are aware that the behaviour will not be tolerated, it needs to start in our homes.
And in actual fact, where we claim to ‘protect’ an abuser we are not even helping them.
We are giving them more time to sit in toxicity, avoiding the consequences of their actions.
Nip it in the bud, I say!
Even in small doses, from people we love, abuse is not okay!
Imagine a world where we all look out for each other…
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