What is a mistake?
The Oxford English Dictionary says it is “an action or an opinion that is not correct, or that produces a result that you did not want”.
My understanding of what a mistake is was a bit shaken when I listened to the mother of child rapist Nicholas Ninow describe what her son did was a mistake.
For those who don’t know who Nicholas Ninow is, he is the man who was recently convicted of raping a girl in the bathroom of a Dros restaurant in September 2018.
Ninow was sentenced to life in prison for his actions.
The mother, Chantelle Ninow, was being interviewed by Chriselda Lewis for reasons she will only understand.
Anyway, using this definition, we can all agree that what Nicholas did was not a mistake.
A mistake is adding two teaspoons of sugar into your mum’s tea instead of one.
A mistake is buying ham instead of bacon.
Raping a child is not a mistake.
Rape is intentional.
Every part of the act requires deliberate actions and thoughts from the perpetrator.
The only way it would be possible to describe what Ninow did as a mistake was if he fell and somehow his penis landed up in a child’s vagina.
We all know that’s impossible.
The only way in which his actions fit the definition of a mistake is that they didn’t produce the action he wanted.
I can’t say for sure, but I imagine that when he first got it into his head to rape a child, he never thought he would be spending the next few years in prison.
I can’t imagine what it must have been like for the victim’s family to listen his mother say those words.
The only thing that would have been appropriate was: “I’m sorry, even though I know my words will never be enough.”
That’s it.
Listening to the interview, what also struck me was her continuous defence of her child.
What he did was indefensible.
She’s not the first parent to do this and she won’t be the last.
It must be some parental instinct I don’t understand, but parents really need to start letting their children face the consequences of their actions without trying to soften the blow for them.
You’re not a bad parent if you say: “What my child did was wrong and I fully support any remedial action you take against them.”
In fact, that shows you love them and want them to do better next time.
What we can all agree on is that bad behaviour starts with the little things.
As soon as a child learns they can get away with it because you as a parent will shield them, their behaviour escalates.
What started out as your little boy stealing a chocolate from the store can end up with your child in prison for rape.
I’m not saying that’s what happened with Ninow, but there’s usually a pattern in criminal behaviour and it starts early.
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