Puurrrppp. His Highness here. Never mind about Ralph or Miao Miao’s or any of that other cutesy kittsy crud – just call me His Highness and I’ll know that we are all playing in the same baskie.
And yes – we’d be talking about that dog’s baskie. It’s much bigger than mine, it’s softer and I can stretch out and hook my toe nails into either side – unlike my own ridiculously small cat basket where I am obliged to sleep all curled up in a cramped ball.
Ridiculous – which idiot perpetuated the myth that cats like to sleep in the smallest space possible?
Take me, for example. Do I curl up on the bottom of the bed at night?
I do not.
Do I lie neatly, longwise between the two humans on the bed?
I do certainly not.
Do I sleep sideways across the bed thereby causing maximum pissy-offage to the humans?
I do indeed.
And… in the middle of the other night, when the mom-type staff member tried to manipulate me into another position that was more comfortable for her, I lashed out with one of my razor sharp claws and lacerated her finger. She was not impressed. But then again neither was I. She had neglected to run the required 4cm of water into the basin and I’d actually had to slake my thirst from the dog’s bowl. Disgusting!
Covered my ear with a paw to block out her rantings. Next thing I knew there was hot breath leaking in between my paw and ear.
Opened an eye a sliver. That pooch was having the cheek to have words with me. Or revolting slobbers should I say. She’s very protective when it comes to her humans. Sometimes I overstep the mark and she pounces on me.
Clearly she has not yet received the memo. Listen up pooch… I’m the one who pounces. You are the plodder.
Evidently no plodding was to be done on this occasion. In fact, along with the pouncing a fair amount of pawing was being done too. The ridiculous mutt was torn between giving her human some love and attention whilst she clambered out of bed (without disturbing me again) to get loo paper to mop up the blood – or whether she should gnaw on the cause of mom’s problem.
Sensible creature slobbered on the human and left me to slumber in peace.
* As told to Ginny Stone
