Having never really liked school, I was looking forward to finally saying farewell to those horribly uncomfortable school seats that housed my butt for 12 long years. Unfortunately, like so many of my peers, I had no clue what was waiting for me in the real world, and that scared me stiff!
I enrolled for a psychology degree at the University of Pretoria, something I had been dreaming of since I was in Standard Five (Grade Seven). But suddenly, I was unsure if this was what I really wanted to do. Did I really want to spend my days listening to people’s petty problems?
At the same time I was worried about my exams that were creeping closer every day and if I knew enough to pass them. I used to do well in biology, maths and science, but I suddenly started to struggle with these subjects. My dreams of becoming a psychologist, or anything for that matter, were starting to dim.
I felt the pressure of the matric finals closing in around me and I woke up from nightmares (the type where you sit down ready for the maths test, only to realise that you are actually writing biology) every night. The future seemed bleak, and so did I.
My parents constantly telling me to study, and my older sister, who was away at varsity, phoning all the time to make sure that I knew my work, just added to the immense load I was carrying on my shoulders.
When I wrote my last exam (computer studies) I breathed freely for the first time in months. It was over, I knew that whatever happened later on, I would at least never have to go back and live through that hell again.
During the wait for my results, I had a deep conversation with my mother in which I explained to her that I was not sure if I still wanted to study psychology. I didn’t know what I wanted to study and I wanted to take the next year to try and figure it out.
About two months later, when I finally had my results in hand, the last pressure drained away. I had managed an A for English and a B for Afrikaans, which was what I expected. The other subjects, I realised that day, were not that important to me. My M-score was high enough for me to study further and that was all that mattered.
It took me three months to realise that I wanted to study journalism.
I spent those months trying to remember what I was good at and what I liked doing. One night it came to me: I have always loved writing and languages had always been my best subjects in school.
Suddenly I started to dream about a brighter future again (instead of one where I was flipping burgers at McDonald’s).
I started to make plans and a few months later I was living in a flat in Pretoria with my sister.
There was still a rocky road ahead, and I was only at the beginning of this particular journey, but I had the drive to overcome any obstacles.
I learned new things and I liked it!
Where I hated school, I loved varsity. I was still an average student, but I enjoyed the challenges that the university offered. I had found something I liked doing and I knew that nothing would stand in my way.
I had always been a dreamer and this time I was dreaming big. I imagined myself becoming a journalist, going into war-torn countries and reporting the news live while bombs were exploding near me.
But life has not exactly worked out that way either.
It’s been 12 years since I stared at the ceiling of my room and realised I wanted to be a journalist.
I now work for a community newspaper, am married, have a daughter and my own home.
Even though I’m not dodging bullets in some far off country at war with itself, I am content. Because dreams change.
This time of the year I always feel sorry for the matrics. Some have these big dreams and worry that they might not be able to fulfil them. Others have no idea what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
For those who know what they want – dream big and do your best to achieve that dream. But remember, your dreams may change or evolve. Nothing is set in stone and you always have a choice to change your path.
For those who don’t know what they want to do for the rest of their lives, play to your strengths and try to find something you enjoy doing – even if it takes you a year or two, maybe even longer, to figure out what it is.
Everyone at the Addie wishes our matrics the best during the exams and good luck with the future.
