Springs’ teenagers are not as far gone as city kids

The teenagers in Springs do still have values and are open to do good things.

This Shaun Oliver said. He is a youth pastor who has been working with teenagers for 13 years, of which 18 months was in Springs.

He regards youngsters between 10 and 18 years as teenagers.

Oliver said the children in Springs were not as “far gone” as children in the big cities. They reflect the standards and values of “small town kids”.

Although ‘teenagers’ is a generation in trouble, there is hope for them, especially when parents and the community choose not to bury their heads in the sand like an ostrich regarding the challenges these youngsters face.

Being a teenager is a time when you find your identity. This is why peer pressure and what their friends think of them are such huge factors in their lives.

Their biggest fear is not fitting in, because they need to belong.

Many children are bullied when they are different to the crowd. There is also a lot of abuse of younger children by older kids.

This fitting in with the crowd or not is linked to the child’s self-esteem.

Being a teenager is also when their hormones are going “crazy”.

Oliver said they live in a technology-oriented world of instant gratification.

Drugs of all types and sorts are freely available on many street corners of every city and town, even in Springs.

The destruction of the family unit is today’s teenager’s biggest challenge. Children are mostly growing up with their mothers and her family. Most of the children’s dads live far from them, many out of town.

This lack of fathers in society was reflected in the children Oliver counsels on a daily basis. The father-issues these children have involve either a distant and not-involved dad living in the same house or an absent dad living somewhere else.

Teenagers live in a world with parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings, grandparents and step-grandparents and where mothers have to work. Many times parents speak negatively about the other parent, which confuses the child further.

He said any child, but mostly any teenager, intensely experienced parents’ divorce because this is his world that is falling apart. It destroys a child’s self-esteem. The child also blames himself for his parents’ divorce.

Oliver said many parents of today were working through “stuff” or were caught up in their own dramas of their lives or were stuck in circumstances.

Adults need to find solutions to reach out to the teenagers in their lives because not having a stable family unit causes teenagers to feel they have no support from their family and have to turn to their peers to be accepted.

Parents are in a catch-22 situation because they are tired and on the other hand their children need to have guidance from them. These parents have to work in places like Johannesburg and have to commute far to work and back home.

To have a relationship with your child needs time and effort. Dads living out of town have to make a special effort to spend time with their children.

Because parents are tired, they discipline their children instead of training them. Oliver explained training a child did not only involve correction, but also teaching him why you say something was not good or wrong.

He was also worried about the trend that many parents relied on the TV to be their children’s “babysitter”. Many times they don’t even know what their children are watching. The problem is that this will be the place where many children learn their values.

Many times parents of teenagers don’t know what music their children are listening to or who their children’s friends, girlfriends or boyfriends are.

Oliver said children needed to know their parents accepted them unconditionally. These children also needed their parents’ guidance and direction.

He warned that it was not “cool” to be your child’s friend.

“Put yourself in your child’s shoes. You need to be the adult and take the lead to establish a healthy relationship with your child.”

He said when teenagers display behaviour problems, become rebellious, get out of control or even attempt to commit suicide, this is a compounding of all the challenges this generation is facing.

They hide their fear and pain, but don’t have the emotional capacity to handle trauma and tragedies that strike families of today.

“It is better for them to lash out than killing themselves,” said Oliver.