Getting the best from your child
By Lara Hutton, Grade 00 Teacher at Trinityhouse Pre-Primary Randpark Ridge
Helping shape your children’s behaviour and assisting them to be the best version of themselves, is a key part of being a parent. It can be difficult as well as rewarding. Here is some things to consider:
- Create a secure and loving home environment with clear boundaries. Children feel secure when they know who is in charge and who is boss, and it can never be them!
- Focus on things that your child is good at – always promote a positive self-image. Children begin to build their self-image by seeing themselves reflected in the mirror of adults’ reactions
- Listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings. Take the time out of your busy schedule to stop and really listen.
- Assist your child with age-appropriate chores or tasks instead of doing them for them.
- Embrace mistakes (yours and theirs) and encourage learning from them.
- Lead by example – behave how you want your child to behave.
- Follow through will rules and consequences. It doesn’t help to constantly make threats without following through with appropriate consequences.
- Stick to routine as much as possible. Often routines are unpredictable with little children around. It’s important to lay down rules for your children so that you don’t have to keep reminding them of what they must do during the day.
- Although not always easy – avoid losing your temper – Losing your temper will make you feel bad and send the wrong message. It’s fine if an 8-year-old — “who’s old enough to know better” — sees that her behaviour has made you cross, but it’s key that you stay in charge of your anger. Children take it for granted that anything their parents do is okay. So, if you yell, throw things, or grab your child, you’re teaching her all the wrong ways to behave.
- Be realistic about the behaviour you expect. Expectations of your child must be age appropriate.
- Always make time for play. Young children learn best through play. Through play, children can develop socialand cognitive skills, mature emotionally, and gain the self-confidence required to engage in new experiences and environments. Have fun together as a family, take time out and play.
Written By: Jessica Spearman (Grade 000 Teacher at Crawford Pre-Primary North Coast)
It is normal for young children to experience difficulty with sharing, taking turns and identifying roles within groups when playing together. It is important for them to practice the skills needed to resolve conflict in order for it to become second nature for them throughout their lives. With the correct guidance from parents, even very young children can learn basic conflict resolution skills.
What kind of parent are you on the playground? / Are you one of these parents on the playground?
All parents handle playground incidents differently. Some parents are relaxed and allow their children to play freely on the playground and sort out their own fights, while others keep a watchful eye and get involved at the slightest sign of danger or conflict.
Helicopter parents tend to hover nervously over their child on the playground, in order to ensure no harm comes to them in what they perceive to be a dangerous environment. For example, as these parents anticipate problems they will stand right under the jungle gym so that they are close enough to intervene should an incident involving their child occur. Helicopter parents intend to protect their child from playground incidents, however this may prevent them from developing necessary skills, such as problem solving and risk assessment which results in poor decision making and taking bigger risks in their teenage years.
Lawnmower parents tend to make sure that nothing stands in the way of their child’s success and that they have a smooth, problem free journey while achieving this. For example, these parents will be excessively aggressive if their child is involved in a playground incident where someone or something is perceived to be a threat. Their child generally struggles to stand up for themselves and become dependent on adult support. They don’t learn that their actions have consequences as they are always rescued and therefore they never learn from their mistakes. Lawnmower parents do everything for their child thereby implying that they are not good enough to succeed themselves.
What can you do when there is conflict on the playground?
When conflict arises it is important that the children involved get the opportunity to tell their side of the story, while the others listen without interrupting. Once each child has had their turn to speak, the parent can then simplify the problem for the children in a sentence or two in order to state the problem clearly. For example, if Jessica and Natalie were fighting over a swing, one could say “Jessica and Natalie it sounds like you both would like a turn on this swing. Is that right?”. The children should then be given an opportunity to suggest a solution to the problem, even if one or more children have the same idea, for example “What do you boys/girls think we can do to fix the problem?”. Children should once again be reminded to listen while the others are talking. Next, facilitate a discussion whereby the group is encouraged to choose the best solution. Once an appropriate suggestion has been agreed upon, the children should be commended on working together to solve their problem. They are then free to go implement the chosen solution. Parents should observe the children playing to ensure that no further conflict arises. If the solution does not appear to be working, the group should be given the opportunity to renegotiate a different solution.
While it is normal for a young child to resort to physical means to get his or her way, some incidents may be more serious, especially if repeated by the same child. In this instance, it may be more beneficial for that child to be redirected to another activity on the playground, or in the case of severe actions such as biting, pinching, kicking or punching, the child should be removed from the play area and given time to think about their actions before returning to the play area, where he or she will continue to be monitored. It is also important that a child is accountable and apologises for their actions.
Children require repeated practice in order to develop conflict resolution skills. Conflict resolution is an important social skill that helps them become more aware of and sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. A child’s self-confidence is developed when they learn to solve their problems in a positive and assertive way. They develop valuable communication and listening skills while also learning to think creatively and evaluate solutions.
By: Mariska van der Watt, Grade One Teacher at Trinityhouse Northriding
‘A healthy mind resides in a healthy body’ is an unavoidable necessity for all, particularly for a school-going boy or girl.
Sports stimulate the physical and mental growth of a child. A person who regularly plays sports develops a healthy body, develops better body strength and better coordination. The physical benefits also include maintaining a healthy weight, preventing chronic diseases and learning the skills necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
The enhancement of physical and mental development of children is certainly the most important contribution of sports, but the list of values a child may acquire through sports does not end here. The positive aspects are numerous, which reveals the true beauty of sport.
Sport teaches children the important lesson of team-spirit and it gives them the experience of working with different kinds of people in different situations.
Playing sports enables children to create friendships they otherwise might not have formed. Sports and games can be a great lesson in time management and they provide the spirit of competition that drives them to give extra effort. Through sports children learn to respect authority and rules. Sport increases self-esteem, mental alertness and it reduces stress and anxiety.
Good sportsmanship provides guidelines that can be generalized to classroom and lifelong achievement. Participation in challenging sports contests teaches children to love challenges. It also teaches them to function in a competitive society. Sport helps to build character and discipline and it gives children the confidence of being an individual with overall development.
No other thing in life affords children such opportunity to develop positive character traits and to soak up many quality values as sports does.
Sports should be encouraged by parents and teachers. Children first need to get used to playing sports, accept it and get to like it. It will become part of his or her everyday life. Let them see the values of sports for themselves. As teachers and parents we must be the example. We must make sports and games fun and we must play by the rules. Viewing games or playing sports together often facilitates emotional bonding and develops a love for the game.
As long as a child is involved in sports, he will learn how to overcome obstacles and challenges that will come his way. Isn’t that what we all want for our children?
By André Loots (Principal) & Jacqui Browne (English teacher at Crawford College North Coast)
Parenting is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. The journey to teenagerhood is dotted with a multitude of trials. Remember the tantrums of your precious two-year olds? Probably not. The mind has a clever way of making us forget the hardships of the really trying times in our lives. It must be some evolutionary development to ensure the continuation of our species. But now you find yourself in the midst of a hurricane of hormonal angst and monosyllabic responses from a teen who vacillates between the sheer inability to care about anything and the deeply emotional and eternally scarring trauma of no-one caring about them.
The truth is, teenagerhood is really difficult. On everyone. Especially parents. We struggle to reconcile memories of our delightful little toddlers with these temperamental and uncommunicative tyrants and, for many, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to have been blown out by their teen’s endless sighing. The truth is, this period is transient. And, though difficult to believe, it is a sign of a maturing individual, preparing themselves to be the successful adults that we hope they will become. In fact, this stage of infinite frustration is one that should be celebrated, as much as we celebrated their first steps or first badly-formed words. If only they would put to use those verbal skills we revelled in in their first few years.
Communicating with teenagers is tricky. Friendship groups and their significant others (for now) take your place in their hierarchy of importance. Where you were once the person who bought the single most joy to their lives (remember fetching them from pre-school?), you’re now not much more than an irritation or a glorified cook and taxi-driver. Developmentally, they find baring their emotions and thoughts in spoken word incredibly difficult. Technological development has been kind to this generation. They’re now able to communicate, especially with those that matter, in a complex arrangement of emojis and acronyms.
But just because they appear to be retreating from their parents and avoiding (at all costs) any kind of meaningful interaction, it does not mean that communication is not what they need. Quite the opposite. Our challenge, as parents of teenagers, is to find ways in which to communicate without breeding hostility and judgement. Teens need their parents’ support and guidance as much as they did when they were toddlers. It’s just that the communication needs to take a different form.
The first consideration parents need make is when they attempt to reach out to their teens. A bombardment of questions as soon as anyone walks into the house after a long day is bound to inspire mild irritation. A good place to talk is around the dinner table, or in the car while driving them to and from their many arrangements. (This is particularly helpful for the teen as eye contact is limited).
As far as communication goes, it really is a case of ‘the more, the merrier’. Before we can tackle the really trying topics like appropriate sexual behaviour and the use of illegal substances, we need to have created a habit of communication. The more you talk to your teen about the mundane, the easier it will be to communicate in general, and then the really difficult conversations become a lot easier too. Consider creating time to spend together on equal ground. A Saturday afternoon on the beach, for example, or a trip to the local beauty salon for a pedicure offers the opportunity for parents to really connect with their teens – even if it is only about their most recent favourite celeb’s spectacular fall from grace.
Teenagers, like adults, need to feel valued too. They are under immense pressure at school to perform, and while we all do realise the importance of their academic performance, we need to sometimes remind ourselves to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Yes, of course school work is important. But more important to your teen right now is the feeling that you genuinely care about them. A teen who feels secure in the undeniable reliability of their parents’ support is one who more likely to communicate when they need your help the most.
And while teenagers are indisputably trying, our relationship with our teens consists of two individuals. One of those individual’s body’s is a cocktail mixed with unchecked hormones, insecurity and plethora of pressures. The other is a mature adult. Sometimes we need to, as difficult as it is, turn the microscope on ourselves and ask, “Am I the parent that I wish I’d had or am I the parent that my child needs?”
And if all else fails, you could always send them a SnapChat with a string of acronyms and emojis, and hope for the best.
By René Yeoman, Assistant Teacher at Trinityhouse Pre-Primary Randpark Ridge
We’ve all heard the saying, “Being a Mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world!” Most Moms’ will nod their heads with a little smirk; I smile because being a Mom is hard, as well as rewarding. I have never second guessed myself so much, as I have since becoming a mom. Remembering those first few months when you feel so alone with this tiny person and you are left to figure it out; so frightening and so amazing at the same time! Looking into your child’s eyes and knowing you would do anything for this little person.
Then these little angels start to grow, and start walking, and talking and it’s magical and exciting and also completely draining and not what you thought at all. I mean there are days when I think if someone could see what is happening they would run away or not recognise me at all! Let’s be real, no person alive does not lose their temper now and again. These little humans created in our bodies, know exactly what buttons to push, to get the best and worst from us. But how do we as parents stay sane when we love our children so much? It’s a good question which I decided to investigate seriously to help myself, especially in this over stressed world we live in; here are some tips I found which I hope will help you as much as it has helped me!
- Go to Church! Pray! Did you know you can pray anytime of the day in any situation? Good soul food talking to God!
- Spend quality time with your children, as a family. Such as doing a “Park run” together on the weekend; take the dogs, have fun!
- Go out! Movies, dinner, ice skating, the zoo just to name a few… As a family!
- Spend quality time as partners, have a date! Setting a regular date night together; maybe once a month, without the kids and talking about things that interest you.
- Let your kids spend lots of valuable time with their Grandparents, it gives you as parents some free time and it’s extremely rewarding for your children. They learn things from their Grandparents that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
- Do things from your youth; go out and dance. Be young and carefree.
- Have coffee with your best friend and talk.
- Laugh as much as possible especially at yourself! Life is short.
- Find something you are passionate about and follow your dream.
- Spend quality time with your current pets, or get a pet.
- Dance and sing to yourself; be your crazy inner self.
- Exercise! Not my favourite word, but I found a sneaky cheat. A wonderful person was willing to come to my house and spend her time with me and teach me Pilates. Changed my life!
- Talk to people you work with, get to know them. I have realised many of my struggles are shared by colleagues and listening to them helps me work through my own frustrations.
- Talk to your partner, they are still your best friend! Time to reconnect!
- Go on holiday! Try somewhere new and go on an adventure.
- No phones at the dinner table!
- Always talk to your children honestly and trust them, they will surprise you.
- Give yourself a break and breathe!
- Know you are a good parent and you are doing the best you can!
Remember parenting is not meant to be easy, we are moulding human beings. The fact that we worry shows that we are brilliant parents and we just need to have faith and trust God’s amazing plan.
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