It got very interesting.
Not having a child of my own, I based my response on how I was raised.
The conversation started with a close friend saying she believes in spanking her child when he is particularly naughty, but is stopped by her husband who believes the opposite.
His point of view is: You do not lift your hands to a child, no matter what the ‘crime’.
He firmly maintains discipline should be done in other ways. Children should be sent to a time-out corner where they face a wall and nothing but the wall. If they move, they are allotted extra time in their corner.
For any five-year-old, this is the epitome of hell because extra energy cannot be expressed and the child is forced to face a boring wall.
I ask myself the question: Is this enough?
While I respect his decision never to harm a child, I grew up with the notion that when I do something wrong, I am going to get a serious hiding.
I was never hit on my body but on the backside, which in my mind, does not qualify as abuse at all.
To chastise a child should not be viewed as abuse, but rather a way of instilling manners and respect and to teach right from wrong.
There are, of course, other ways to do this… but are they as effective?
Everyone’s opinion differs. Parents are at perfect liberty to raise their child on their own terms.
I’m caught between a rock and a hard place on this one.
I wouldn’t want to hit my child for any reason. He or she would have had to have made a serious transgression to deserve a hiding, otherwise I would also settle the matter with some other form of punishment.
My husband does not share this idea.
Luckily we agree on one thing: never slap a child in the face.
Definite no-no.
So, what is the proper way? Is there a set way on how to discipline a child? A rule book perhaps?
I don’t know if there will ever be proper answers to these questions as people have various opinions and their own way of doing things.
Imagine yourself in a room full of adults with impeccable manners and respect for others.
Have they all been raised the same way?
Were they hit when they were naughty? Given time-out? Or were they disciplined in another way?
It’s unlikely one person would have been raised in exactly the same way as another. Some may have had hidings until age 18 for all we know, or they may never have been touched, but were punished in some way nonetheless.
The very same people could display the same manners and respect as the person next to them.
When I take my own situation and weigh it against what I’ve done in life, it doesn’t solve any questions for me.
For one, when I received a hiding I started to cry because that usually made my mother or father stop. They thought they had got to me but as soon as they’d left the room, I’d laugh, rub my bum and continue doing whatever I was doing.
Did it help? Did it stop me from being naughty?
No.
But, it did teach me right from wrong.
Consider the following example: Adults are discussing an incredibly boring topic. I decide my need for sweets (or whatever it is that I need) is way more exciting and important than their conversation. I interrupt them and save them from their tedious conversation.
I repeatedly interrupt their conversation.
After the first five initial warnings advising me to “wait” and that “the adults are talking”, I was given a hiding. The sixth interruption was the turning point.
I would then assume position next to my mother and wait for her to finish, which was rewarded with a smile.
In that scenario, a hiding helped.
I was taught to wait my turn. In other words, I was taught to be respectful.
Now, how would one handle that situation if parents do not give hidings?
Ignore the child? Tell them to be quiet? Would they listen?
What is the method for teaching a lesson that will have a lasting impact on the child?
I suppose you learn as you go along.
