It’s also one of the traditional ways of driving your fellow humans to road rage and drink!
Cold-calling is defined as the act of “making an unsolicited visit or telephone call to someone in an attempt to sell goods or services”, with unsolicited being the operative word.
Before you knock on my door or dial my phone number (which you may have obtained from a third party without my permission), let me tell you the honest truth – if I wanted your product or service, I’d be using it already.
As an intelligent adult, I am perfectly capable of switching banks, buying timeshare, finding your religion or whatever else you’re selling, without you making an unwanted call or stop at my home.
The internet has put every imaginable piece of information at my fingertips so I really don’t need you telling me what I need.
Secondly, I probably already have the service you are punting so why would I need to hear from you?
Chances are I already have a mobile service provider if you are calling me on my cellphone.
As if these calls weren’t already the bane of most people’s day, there seems to be a rule that these calls be expertly timed to coincide with the most inopportune time of the day.
I’m assuming aliens are sent from other planets, with no knowledge of the South African landscape, to make these calls.
This is the only reasonable explanation for the fact that unsolicited calls normally come at 5pm after I have concluded a long day at the office, or 7am on a Saturday or Sunday morning when I am trying to get a little extra time to myself – possibly at Club Duvet.
So, for anyone thinking about calling me, DON’T and if you must, please bear the following in mind:
• In South Africa office hours, depending on where we work, range from between 7.30am to 5pm,
• We travel to our jobs on roads which are heavily congested and thus spend anywhere from 20 to 90 minutes on the road travelling to and from our places of work.
• Talking on a cellphone while driving is illegal.
This means that from approximately 6am to 8am and 4.30pm to 6.30pm most working, South African adults (the cold-caller’s target audience) are driving and cannot answer your call.
For those with call kits, they really don’t want to answer the call while navigating heavy traffic.
So don’t be surprised when your rota: “Hi this Bob from XXX cellphone company. Do you have five minutes to chat to me?” or “Hi, this is Anne from XXX insurance, is this a convenient time to chat?” is met with a definite and forceful NO!
I don’t have the time or the inclination to speak to you while I am on deadline at work or driving home from a busy day.
I also don’t want to take your call while I am eating my dinner.
The irritation I feel for these people is only superseded by my feelings for the rude people who pitch up at my gate at 7am on a Saturday morning.
If there is one benefit to living behind high walls in South Africa, it’s that people can no longer get to your door, but that doesn’t stop them holding down your intercom button for extended periods of time just in case you suddenly feel the urge to join a cult or buy a completely unnecessary piece of equipment.
And then it is apparently perfectly acceptable for them to berate you if you turn them down.
Do you really think that waking me up is going to convince me to buy what you are selling or that asking me stupid questions are going to get the desired reaction from me?
I was reminded of this this weekend when at 7am I was asked: “Have you found …?”
Apparently, it is not acceptable to say: “Well, I didn’t know it was lost so I haven’t been looking. But now that I know, I’ll send out a search party!”
It is, according to my unwanted visitor, unnecessarily rude.
You see, it’s apparently rude to give a flip answer, but making the unwelcome call or visit to my home is perfectly acceptable to these people.
So let’s just cut all the guesswork out of cold-calling and assume that I do not have five minutes for you, do not want your product and certainly have no intention of being gracious if you attempt to steal my time with unsolicited calls.
You have been warned!
