Why you should never tell your child that they can’t sing
Your child isn't tone-deaf, so don't tell him or her that they can't - or shouldn't - sing! It's hurtful, damaging, and untrue.
Does your child’s singing make your ears ache? When they hum tunes in the bath, do they sound like an angry squirrel? While not all children are destined to be music superstars, parents should still encourage their children’s passion for singing. According to experts, telling a child that they can’t sing has long-term consequences…
Singing comes naturally
Singing is a natural human connection that crosses cultures, socioeconomic groups, aptitude, gender, and educational levels. Still, many adults are traumatised by their childhood singing experiences and refuse to sing as adults. This, according to Steven Demorest, a choral music expert, stems from a concentration on talent rather than technique. He claims that telling a child they can’t sing “creates a massive stigma for children” that “becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy” children take into adulthood.
Music teachers and parents are among the worst offenders when telling children they can’t sing. Some schools demand pupils as young as seven years old to audition for school choirs, turning singing into a competitive sport rather than a pleasurable social pastime. Those who do not achieve achievement feel rejected. When it comes to parents, their aversion to singing stems from a desire to protect their children from ridicule or embarrassment.
However, according to Steven, all young children are inherently drawn to music, and we should encourage musical and vocal discovery. He says that “humans are the only species that engage in musical sound play as a species”.
Simply put, anyone who is human is musical. “Take a toddler, turn on some music, and see what happens. We are all born with the ability to respond to sound,” adds Steven.
Most of us aren’t tone-deaf
As youngsters, and probably even as adults, many of us were informed that we were tone-deaf. Most of the time, that assertion is false. People overuse the term ‘tone-deaf,’ according to Steven. Adults who self-identify as tone-deaf have been found to hear music normally in studies. What they have trouble with is precisely recreating the song with their voice.
“So when you say someone is tone-deaf, you’re essentially saying they have difficulty singing,” he explains. According to Steven, clinical tone-deafness, also known as congenital Amusia, affects just a minority of the general population. Amnesiacs are unable to distinguish between different pitches. Because this neurological illness affects such a small percentage of the population, there’s a good likelihood that most of us aren’t tone-deaf.
“Tone deafness has nothing to do with our ears,” Steven explains, adding that “many of us would benefit from singing more.”
Steven says parents and teachers should encourage children to take non-competitive music lessons and join choirs. Even if a child has difficulty singing, their talents will increase as they get older.
