Is my child’s development on track?

Comparing your child with other children of the same age can sometimes be useful. It can tell you what your child is capable of or likely to do at certain developmental stages. However, it’s important to understand that every child is unique. Your child’s physical, emotional, and intellectual development will progress at its own rate, and your child will have their own strengths and weaknesses.

The Griffiths Mental Development Scales

Certain mental health professionals use the Griffiths Mental Development Scales to assess the level of a child’s development. One of the six sub-scales, called the ‘personal-social’ sub-scale, measures social-emotional behaviour based on a basic comparison of children the same age.

According to this scale, a child should:

1. Know his or her own gender at age three.
2. Be able to do up buttons at age four.
3. Eat without help by age four.
4. Fetch items while you’re shopping at age five.
5. Have a special playmate at age six.
6. Shampoo his or her own hair at age seven.

Broad parametres of what’s normal are helpful

“Instead of asking if your child’s on par, you should ask yourself if your child’s in the best place he can be,” says Coletta Canale, a Cape Town-based psychotherapist. Canale says it’s not useful to “box” children into age categories and expect them to behave accordingly. She adds what’s most important for children is that they’re able to express themselves. Parents should listen to their children and learn about who they are as people, rather than putting too much emphasis on making sure they’re on par with their peers. However, broad parametres of what’s normal are helpful. We look at general guidelines for “normal” sleep development, social skills, and eating behaviour.

Normal sleep development

A newborn usually wakes up a few times during the night while a one-year-old usually sleeps much better but can have disruptive nights. Kids usually start sleeping through when they’re three, but some kids struggle with sleeping. This could indicate a psychological problem that should be checked out. By age six, most kids sleep alone in their room. Night terrors and nightmares between two and six aren’t unusual. But if they happen every night, consult a child psychologist.

Social skills

• Babies and toddlers don’t play co-operatively, but often show signs of enjoying being in each other’s company.
• Parallel play usually occurs from two to four years of age.
• Children often choose one special friend from about five years old.
• Playing in young children is often fraught with conflict.
• Temper tantrums and fights with parents are normal from 18 months to three years. Tantrums during the toddler phase are a healthy part of establishing identity. If, however, your child throws himself on the floor, kicking and screaming past the age of about five years, it’s worth trying to figure out why. T
• Sharing and turn-taking are difficult for young children, but playschool teachers play a vital role in helping kids with this.
• Behaviour, attitudes, and moods vary according to temperament, physical and emotional health, as well as home, school, and family circumstances.
• Sibling rivalry is a part of development. It can be more prevalent when there are psychological problems within the family unit.

Eating behaviour

Learning to eat from a spoon takes practice and time. A child will typically self-feed from nine to 12 months, and will not use a fork or spoon until after 12 months of age. On average, children will master using a spoon by two to three years old. The older your child gets the more table manners matter. People are put off and annoyed by messy eaters. Toddlers can get away with throwing their food around. After that, eating “politely” should be encouraged.