When your little one refuses to go to school

Most parents know the drill: It’s a school day and your toddler refuses to leave the house. No matter what you do (or how many ice-creams your promise they can have later),  they scream and yell all the way to the car. Just when you thought the mad rush to get them to school was over – as you pull into the school parking lot – they refuse to get out of the car and throw a tantrum. Refusing to attend school often affects children between the ages of five and six years old, but older children can also pull out all the stops to stay at home. 

Your child may pretend to be sick

The child who refuses to go to school will often complain of feeling sick or having a headache. Symptoms may clear up during the day, only to return the next morning.  As a first step, take your child to the doctor just to make sure there is no real illness. Once that has been established, make an appointment with the teacher (without your child). Sometimes it only takes a little more attention from the teacher to make your child feel welcomed and safe at school. This is also an opportunity to ask if the teacher has noticed any bullying in the classroom.

Underlying reasons for refusing to go to school

Fear of school can be brought on by a stressful event such as the parent’s divorce, moving, or loss of a pet. Your child may have been scolded or bullied at school. School refusal must be dealt with immediately or it can cause long-term problems for your child, such as lack of confidence in dealing with peers or strangers. Your child can also fall behind in his/her schoolwork, which further impacts on their self-esteem.

Encourage friendships through play dates

Inviting friends home to play can help your child form bonds with other children in their class or grade, in turn getting them more excited to go to school.  It may help if you walk your child to school and promise to meet him/her at home-time, to make them feel more secure about separating from you during the day. But make sure you keep the promise and are not late, or you will have anxiety problems to deal with too.

Seek professional help

If the problem persists, you may want to seek the advice of a counsellor or play therapist who can give you tools that can be helpful. Most often than not, however, this is a passing (although difficult or traumatic) stage in your child’s life, and the majority of children do overcome their reluctance to attend school once they discover an activity they enjoy and friends of their own.