The stigma surrounding those afflicted with mental health especially depression still prevents hundreds around the country from seeking help. Although current statistics show that more women than men are affected by depression, the fact that more men than women commit suicide calls the validity of these statistics into question.
Men in our communities are particularly impacted by society’s negative view of depression. Take the story of Sipho Simelane, taken from the book, ‘Surfacing’ by Marion Scher. From the outside, Simelane is the epitome of success. Every area of his life; career, family, and financially seemed to be going well until August 2011when he tried, unsuccessfully, to take his own life three times. Simelane was a man in mental and emotional pain and suicide seemed the only option open to him. Today, he’s glad he was wrong and that he failed to take his own life. He collaborated with Scher and SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group) to raise awareness of stress, anxiety, and depression, particularly amongst Black men. Growing up in the township, depression and mental illness was simply not taken seriously and, sadly still doesn’t get the attention it deserves.
SADAG Spokesperson and Board Member, Nkini Phasha says, “When we talk about mental health and particularly as it relates to men and what I call the ‘Gold Standard of Masculinity’, the topic is so huge especially when we consider how men and our boy children are raised and socialized.
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“What men are told what they should do, be and say and how they should behave and that showing any weakness is not manly. Showing anything but physical strength is not acceptable according to the Masculinity Gold Standard”
According to Phasha, we don’t talk enough about mental health, and that the secrecy around it is a fundamental problem that prevents those affected by it from dealing with it and getting help. “It begins with how we raise our boy child. We raise boys to believe you must be strong, you must be a tiger, boys don’t cry and so when men begin to be affected by stress, anxiety, and depression they immediately think of it as weakness and look for often unhealthy ways to get rid of those feelings.”
One of the biggest misunderstandings says Phasha is how depression, stress, and anxiety present themselves in men. “We look at traditional symptoms of depression, like crying or sadness, and don’t realise that the symptoms of depression may appear very differently. When men are struggling to cope especially with job losses, relationship failures and not being able to provide for their families as they believe men should it causes them to self-medicate using alcohol and recreational drugs.
Alcohol abuse, promiscuity, reckless behaviour, aggression, rage, recreational drugs, and being a workaholic can all be symptoms of depression or mental health struggles in men.
“Men suffer in silence. Self-stigmatisation is also a huge problem where men feel like they’re less of a man when they feel sad or unable to cope.”
The reality though is that depression and anxiety are treatable. SADAG offers toll-free counselling via trained counsellors. If you or someone you love is battling depression: here are some of the symptoms to look out for:
- Feeling sad, anxious or “empty” most of the time
- Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
- Feeling hopeless about life
- Feeling helpless or guilty
- Changes in sleeping habits
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Loss of energy, feeling “slow” or fatigued
- Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
- Restlessness, irritability, anger
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering things, or making decisions
- Physical symptoms that don’t respond to treatment, such as headaches, stomach pain, back pain, chest pain, even if it was checked by a doctor
Call SADAG 0800 21 22 23 for help and assistance should you or someone you love need help.
Surfacing is available via the website www.sadag.org and in book stores from Januaury2021.
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