Smangaliso Ntila was molested from Grade three until he was in Grade 8
Bravery in action- abuse survivor speaks.
In black communities it is a taboo to tell others that you were abused, the fear of being laughed at clouds their thoughts and minds.
Although everyone has his or her own way of dealing with pain Smangaliso Ntila is living proof that focusing on something you really love helps you to heal bit by bit and act as a temporary way of forgetting what has happened to you.
His story began when he was only 8 years old, an age where every child believes that everything said by an elder or done by an elder is the right thing. Like most abuse cases his perpetrator was someone close to his family.
Ntila was molested from Grade three until he was in Grade 8. His experience made him create his own imaginary world in his mind, a world free from all sort of crime, a world where he will be able to protect his loved ones.
“Dealing with it has not been easy at all, there were times where I would just be emotional and it ends up slipping out, especially when I am drunk.
“I would talk about my experience freely when I was only drunk and people would assume that I am crazy,” he says.
He said he has faced a lot a challenges while trying to deal with the issue and added that he is now in a better place compared to what he used to be like physically and mentally. Ntila said he would sometimes have flashbacks of what transpired.
The young man ended up being an introvert and always wanting to spend time alone. He would sometimes cry until tears ran out and still the pain persisted. Ntila tried to give his parents signs that his abuser was hurting him but none of them could see that he is hurting.
“What happened to me was the main object blocking me from achieving certain things. Someone then told me to focus on something or put my faith on something to forget about my pain that’s how my imaginary world came to be,” said Ntila.
He believes that his production company is the only company that can help him achieve what he wishes for. At first the young aspiring business man found comfort in a book and a paper. He would write poetry expressing his anger, from poetry, to a musician and to a production company founder.
The late Pro-kids’s music played a huge role in my healing journey mostly his lyrics ” presser pusher phanda”. It gave him hope that he will never be defeated by his past. In spite what he has been through he is still willing to make something of him.
Ntila ended up not believing in the existence of God because he was not there to stop his perpetrator from hurting him even when he always prayed about it the abuse still continued.
“Where was he when I needed him most, why didn’t he protect me from what happened to me, after all I was just a child,”
“It also affected my relationships and there was a point where I was wild but it all changed when I met my current girlfriend. She has been my pillar of strength,” said Ntila as his emotion escalated.
His mother only found out about what happened to him in 2016 and has also been supportive. In the process he lost his trust. He added that reading a lot helped him answer his unanswered questions. Ntila had his justice when the perpetrator was caught red-handed.
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