Last year, the high rate of femicides made headlines as justice dealt with some perpetrators. The latest femicide victims were identified as Nomsa Maduna and Sheila Kopanye who were both killed by former lovers.
‘Femicide’ is a term used to describe the killing of women. Senele Mabuza (20) opened up to us about her near-death experiences with an ex-lover.
“I was 15 and he was 18-years-old at the time when my friend introduced us. When I met him, he wasn’t the person that he became, it was like he had two different personalities but it didn’t take him long to show me who he was,” said Mabuza.
“I was thirty minutes late so I walked into his house and as I closed the door, I turned around and he slapped me. I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do, I just closed my eyes and I started crying.
“When I pushed him, he closed my hands and pushed me against the door, he said: ‘if you late to my house, don’t bother coming,’ and from then I was punctual. The beatings then escalated from there,” explained Mabuza.
The relationship lasted for eleven months and Mabuza recalls being pulled out of a moving car, beaten in the rain with a belt, having countless kicks in the stomach, being stabbed with a construction knife, and was threatened with a gun.
WATCH:
Mabuza added: “I had stitches on my leg, a dislocated shoulder from when he tackled me into a wall and swelling around my stomach because he’d always kick me there. He choked me so bad that I passed out.”
Mabuza had broken up with him, he attacked her friend with a hockey stick and broke her arm.
“He’s very good at manipulation so even when it came out that he hit me, people didn’t believe it. When I opened up a case his father works for the South African Police Service (SAPS) so the evidence never stuck, my documents went missing, my court cases never went far, I got tired at some stage and decided to just give up,” she said.
Mabuza remembers the day she stood up against him, that was the day she finally left him.
“After he hurt my friend again I was mad and fought back. This time he decided that he wasn’t going to just beat me but he was going to fight me like I’m his equal. He beat me with his fists and then kneed me in the face. He broke my nose.
“There was blood all over my hands, I started crawling and the blood ended up everywhere, I passed out at the bottom of the stairs and was woke up dizzy hours later. It looked like a crime scene.”
- #SowetoMurders: Daughter’s disbelief at mother’s death tugs at heartstrings – [related content]
Mabuza took photographs of the last beating and had shown it to his mother and she assisted Mabuza with the court case. Mabuza added that he was arrested for some time and they had to go for counselling together.
“The reason why he said he hit me was that he was putting me in my place and he told the therapist if he had gotten the chance he would have rapped me,” she said.
According to Mabuza, even after the break up he still attacked her in public, he stalked her and she had to change her phone number and accounts countless of times.
“It was never just physical but emotional abuse as well as. I had to do some self-discovery and I’m just grateful that I found the good Lord, Mabuza explained. When asked what kept her going back she said that she went back first for her friends’ sake and then it was just the fear of him killing her.
“It was just an overwhelming fear, it wasn’t that I loved the guy.”
Mabuza tried committing suicide four times by taking an overdose and was found by loved ones. She had only started dealing with her trauma last year (five years after the abuse). She went to a psychologist and was diagnosed with anxiety.
“I started learning that not everyone is out to hurt me. I blocked out my past thinking I was over it but now I’m at the stage where I can speak about him and not cry, I’m at the stage of helping those who are stuck in abusive relationships. A lot of the women who got murdered did not speak out about what was happening to them,” she said.
Her advice to the many girls and women is to speak out, tell a loved one or someone you trust. Mabuza opened a protection order against her ex.
Follow Us Here:
Catch the latest news by visiting our other platforms:
