Confessions of a single mamma: Tough love

I’VE always believed that it was vital for children to have the balanced influence and parenting from a mom and a dad, as I understand the value in the contributions that both the yin and yang energy bring to a child.

When I chose the journey of parenting alone, I knew it would be a rough road, and have had sleepless nights after serving tough love instead of the usual heaps of love and cuddles that my sons are used to, while wondering if I’m doing it right.

Lest we forget, sometimes, even when you’re married, you often parent alone, but that discussion is for another day.
Moms are naturally woven with warmth and nurturing, and to conjure up the hard wiring with the sternness it takes and to keep two young boys in check takes a lot of juggling.

ALSO READ: Confessions of a single mamma

I am their go-to person, their shoulder to lean and cry on and their emotional punching bag sometimes when things get tough and they cannot cope. Naturally, I worry that the lack of emotion I display while being the disciplinarian will push them away from me, until I learned to remind myself that tough love is necessary.

I love knowing that I am able to hold it together for them, but I struggled with the tough love part of parenting. I firmly believe that if you spare the rod, you will spoil the child.

ALSO READ: Confessions of a single mamma

Generations of children raised with love, respect and chastisement contributed to the moral compass of a beautiful nation and we cannot ignore that with the new ways of the world, a great moral decay has befallen.

Every time I spank them, which has been only playfully lately as they thankfully understand what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, I feel guilty. When I raise my voice, I look into their little eyes and want to melt, but I have to remain stern, while continuing my usual speech.

“God has given me a job to be your mother. I do not care if you like it or not, but I will not allow a child of mine to… (fill in the blanks with a wild imagination),” or, “If you still cannot behave or if this happens again, then the consequence will be …”

ALSO READ: Confessions of a single mamma: Wing(wo)man

There is a fine line between chastisement and hurting a child out of anger. When we parent or discipline our own children, or the children of others, we need to always start from a place of love. I am confident this is one of the ways in which we can restore the moral fibre of our communities.

Anything done with malice will just grow with that same energy. So, remember this when you’re choosing to spank, or not to spank!

For more Southlands Sun news, follow us on Facebook or Twitter. You can also follow us on Instagram.