What do you do when your child comes to you and tells you that they are not attracted to the opposite sex and that they find the same sex attractive or that they swing both ways? Finding out that your son or daughter is gay, lesbian or bisexual can come as a shock, but it is important that you can learn to understand and accept your child for who they are. If you cannot accept them at home, how do you expect the outside world to accept your child? You may have your own set of values and beliefs but if you don’t give your child the necessary support, it may damage their confidence and even worse, dent your relationship with your child forever. You do not want to live with that resentment for life.
Be open and talk to your child
You might have reservations about the LGBTIQA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer and asexual) community and be tempted to hurl all sorts of insults at your child. This will just make matters worse. Appreciate that your child was able to open up to you and didn’t keep it a secret. It is by no means easy to come out of the closet in a judgemental society. Your child probably feels confused and nervous by taking this step. It is, therefore, your duty not to judge or accuse your child, even if the subject makes you uncomfortable. Although it may be hard at first, realise that your son or daughter is the same person that they always were and this is just another extension of their life. Create an environment where you can open talk, ask questions and share concerns.
Learn about homosexuality
You might have had dreams of one day marrying your son off and having a daughter-in-law or vice versa but now, that dream is shattered. Remember not to make this about you but about your child. You will need to better understand and accept your child’s thoughts and feelings. You need to understand that your child didn’t go out of their way to choose a lifestyle where they face a possibility of discrimination and judgement by either teachers, friends, class mates and even family. They are just being honest about what they are going through and chose you to first open up to about their sexuality. If you are struggling understanding their choice or accepting your child, then why don’t you consider joining a parents’ support group or consult a counsellor where you can talk comfortably about your feelings.
Prepare your child for possible religious discrimination
There are religions that discourage certain aspects of homosexuality and you may be affiliated to them. You will need to prepare your child for any possible discrimination and discuss what this means for them. Prepare them for any judgement they could face within your religious community. You need to help them as they open up about their sexuality and face judgement. What is important is the love and the support your child gets from you. As they become adults, they may not want to associate with such a denomination and leave. You need to be ready for such a decision.
Ask your child what being a homosexual means to them
It’s crucial to understand to know where your child stands about their sexuality. To one child it may not be a big deal and they may be comfortable in their own skin and by coming to you they just wanted to put it out there. For some people, it is a fundamental issue and important for you to understand where your child is coming from. Be sensitive in how you approach the matter with such a child.
Be your child’s cheerleader
Acceptance is a journey and won’t happen overnight. Foster acceptance by showing your family and friends you respect and understand your child, whatever his or her sexual orientation or preferences may be.
