When your teen asks for birth control

As parents, it can be quite a shock if your teenage daughter asks you if she can go on the birth control pill, more so if you didn’t know your teen was sexually active. The age at which teenagers start taking birth control pills can be a touchy (and emotional) subject for parents. If your daughter does approach you about contraception, even if it’s the last subject you’d like to discuss with her, thank your lucky stars. In some countries, a teen doesn’t need a parent’s permission to get birth control, and the very fact that your daughter wants your input means that she trusts you.

Keep calm

If your teen says she wants to go on the pill, you may be tempted to fly off the handle. Take a couple of deep breaths and remind yourself that it takes a great amount of trust for your daughter to come to you, rather than going to a doctor and getting the pills on her own. She is also being responsible for thinking carefully about contraception and her future. Ask neutral-sounding questions that will help you find out what’s really going on and what made her think about birth control in the first place.

Find out her reasons

How you react when your child comes to you, can encourage or discourage her to talk about what’s going on in her life. As a parent have a chat with your daughter and ask questions. Listen to the answers without judgment so that you get answers to the questions you may have. Remember to ask these questions in a curious manner rather than a challenging one. They can include:

• Is there somebody special who is involved in all this?
• How does that relationship make you feel?
• Have the two of you been intimate yet?
• What kind of birth control did you use then?
• How do you feel about going on the pill?
• What makes you think that this is the best time to start taking the pill?

Feedback

After your daughter has a chance to speak, and you’ve had a chance to absorb what she’s said, ask if you can share your thoughts and feelings with her. Begin by thanking her for her trust and acknowledging the amount of thought she’s put into her choice. Share your concerns and inform her that she will have to be very responsible and remember to take the pill at the same time every day or the pill won’t protect her against sexually transmitted infections. Different solutions work for different young women. Even if you and your daughter don’t agree about her using birth control, she at least knows that you’re willing to talk about the subject and that she can come to you with any problem that occurs further down the road.

Birth control for medical purposes

As a parent, don’t be judgemental. Your daughter may have done some research and seen that doctors may administer the pill to girls as young as 12 years to control certain medical conditions as well. For instance, doctors use birth control pills to help ease the pain of severe menstrual cramps, to regulate irregular periods, and to treat anaemia by controlling heavy blood flow. Severe acne is also greatly improved by the use of the pill. Support your child and take her to your GP and find out if and how birth control can help and allow them to go on it. Studies suggest that girls who are not sexually active before being placed on the pill for medical reasons are not likely suddenly to become sexually active afterward.