Don’t let having a baby ruin a healthy relationship

Having a baby is a joyful time for parents but can put added pressure on you and your partner’s relationship. Even the strongest of couples find parenting a newborn challenging.

Lack of sleep 

Before falling pregnant – and while trying to conceive – you and your partner likely had a healthy sex life. Now that your baby has arrived, it’s expected that the intimacy in your relationship will decrease. Because of the exhaustion and a lack of sleep, a couple’s sex life takes a back seat. Fatigue, anxiety, and discomfort following the birth of a child can decrease your libido. This is entirely normal.

Solution: While no one wants to have sex on demand, scheduling intimacy time can allow you and your partner to spend more time together. This time can be used for a romantic evening out or just carving an hour in the mornings to have a cup of coffee together or sit outside and chat. Spontaneity may be difficult, but finding time to spend together doesn’t have to be. 

Feelings of guilt

As the baby grows, you will slowly learn to let go. Because of the coronavirus pandemic, many couples are afraid to dine out and prefer eating in. Romantic dinners have been replaced with take-aways. When parents finally get a chance to wind down while their baby is with the nanny or at their grandparents, parents feel guilty about leaving the baby and end up worrying about the baby all evening. As a result, your quality time together is spent thinking about your baby and not about each other. This can lead to your relationship deteriorating to such an extent that you feel like strangers sleeping in the same bed. Any attempts at romance are rejected because you are exhausted, have a headache, or have a general lack of desire.

Solution: Asking for help is not a weakness. Take advantage of all the babysitting offers from a trustworthy family member but make sure it is a family member that lives with you because currently under level 3 lockdown, visits amongst family are not allowed. Make a point of organising romantic evenings for just the two of you. Take a bath together, indulge in a romantic meal, or spend time talking to each other. This will help to rebuild the emotional connection between the two of you. Reminisce about when you first met and try to re-create those romantic moments. Spend your alone time encouraging each other and building each other up.

There’s a baby in our room 

Some couples may feel guilty about having sex ‘in front’ of their baby if they share the same room with their baby and know that their baby is asleep. Couples may feel the baby is another person in the room, and psychologically, it may be disturbing to have another person in the room with you when having sex.

Solution: Go to another room where you and your partner can spend some intimate time together.

You are on the edge of a breakdown

Your baby wakes up most of the night, which may disturb your rhythm of sleep and result in both you and your partner not getting enough rest ahead of a hectic workday. The lack of sleep can easily lead to you being exhausted, irritable, and out of touch with reality.

Solution:

1. Take turns to look after your baby at night. You can also alternate days so that one person can get a full night’s sleep.
2. If you are both exhausted, don’t force matters.
3. Ask for a helper to look after the baby for a night or two.

Splitting parenting responsibilities ensure both parents feel they are contributing towards raising their baby and minimises feelings of resentfulness you may have if your partner isn’t contributing.