April 15 2014 was a sad day for Nigeria, Africa and the world, 230 school girls were kidnapped by an extremist Muslim group called Boko Haram, whose name in the Hausa language means “Western education is a sin”.
Their age range is between 15-18. The attack in Nigeria is part of a global backlash against girls’ education by extremists. They reportedly are being auctioned off for $12 each to become “wives” of militants. About 50 girls escaped, but the police say that 276 are still missing. It’s indeed time to Bring Back Our Girls
Well, the sad truth is many women are “kidnapped” in so many relationships by dishonest, manipulative, cheating and testosterones-driven men. Unlike these young girls though, they have a choice to either set themselves free or continue as a victim.
Here are 5 reasons why I think your boyfriend or husband is a “member” of Boko Haram:
1. If you are staying with your boyfriend, he is a member of Boko Haram – Both culturally and religiously unacceptable in the African culture – shacking, cohabiting or vat n sit is a modern day kidnapping through a relationship.
He is okay with you moving in so he could have maximum access to the benefits of marriage – cooking, sex, housekeeping, financial support etc. You are not a slave. #BringBackOurGirls
2. If he is refusing to get engaged or pay Lobola (Dowry) – This is a usual practice lately, to be in a relationship for so long and refusing to move to the next level. Excuses range from “I am not ready”, financially weak, waiting for my dream job etc. #BringBackOurGirls
3. When he thinks you are married because he paid Lobola – Paying lobola for me doesn’t equates getting married. Are you legally married with the government department? Are you legally married before God?
Paying lobola is a huge step towards getting married, but refusing to complete the process towards marriage is the same as any incomplete project. Nope, you can’t move in together. #BringBackOurGirls
4. He is married and you are his girlfriend or ‘side chick’ – This man is a strong member of Boko Haram. What happened to faithfulness in marriage, commitment and the vows he made to his wife? Just because he bought you a car, home, clothes and meet your needs doesn’t make him a decent man. He is a member of Bokom Haram, stay away from him, let him go back to his wife. #BringBackOurGirls
5. He keeps cheating and changing women – This is the epitome of this Boko Haram member. He believes he has the right to date and have sex with any woman, at anytime. This man is not ready for any sort of commitment; he will break your heart and leave you emotionally drained. You are not up for auction, so do yourself a favour and not let his charm captivate you. #BringBackOurGirls
The future of our society and family depends a lot on you ladies. You have a great role to play, but if you continue exposing yourself to these “Boko Haram” members, we are all in for a big relationship and societal challenges. So I hope that you will avoid these men.
As for the missing 276 girls, we are praying for you.
Have you dated or are in a relationship with a man with these “Boko Haram” symptoms?
For your relationship advice and coaching or speaking engagement email info@parable.co.za or call 082 212 9438, BBM pin – 74B049BE
