Relationships are naturally complex and so we need to carefully observe and nurture them in order to enjoy them. For Singles, it is important to create strong relationship values as you intend to get married.
Here are my Top 6 Relationship Mistakes Singles make that need careful attention:
1. Ignoring the importance of Friendship
For any relationship to be healthy, friendship must be the bedrock. Don’t ignore the importance of a good friendship; it creates the magic.
Many times I have met Singles in relationships and I find myself wondering if they are friends or enemies; supporters or competitors; lovers or rulers over each other.
Be careful because when you get married this may translate to both of you becoming roommates instead of soul mates. A strong friendship creates an atmosphere for honesty, support, appreciation, personal growth, affection and trust.
It’s time to stop blaming other people and look at yourself in the mirror.
If the person you are dating isn’t the type of person who can be your friend, it is likely your intentions and motivation for the relationship are very shallow. If you are not okay with the way you relate with one another as friends, work on it, or alternatively, break off the relationship.
2. Intentionally Using Words to Hurt Each Other:
This is a tactic that some people just didn’t grow out of after high school like they should have. Even when you are arguing with each other, don’t say things that you know will hurt them. Fight fair.
Don’t intentionally disrespect them or say something that you know could affect them negatively. Words have a lot of power; they can crush or build another person.
True change can only come from God, so don’t try to be God.
Just because you are verbally gifted doesn’t mean you should use your words carelessly. Learn to restrain yourself even when you feel angry or lied to. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Remember in relationships, it is more important to be reconciled than to be right.
3. Unresolved Conflict:
One of the simplest words to say but is usually not said is “I’m sorry”. I cannot stress how important it is to learn how to say those two words.
For you to have a successful relationship these words must be part of your vocabulary and should be consistently used without hesitation, daily. We are all imperfect and will offend each other, intentionally or not.
Just because you really like the other person, doesn’t necessarily mean you have what it takes to be in a long distance relationship.
It is unfortunate that Singles use unresolved conflicts to keep their partners feeling terrible, instead of resolving the situation which will be of great benefit for both of you. Do your best to resolve conflicts daily and immediately. You are not enemies; you are on the same side and fighting for the same cause – your love for one another.
4. Distance-phobia:
Some relationships partially exist through distance created by work, studies, etc. It is very common now to have couples learning and living in different cities or countries. But some people are not cut out for that and can’t handle it well.
Why cause yourself and your partner pain if you know you can’t handle it? It is better to break it off quickly instead of going through all the misery. Don’t lie to yourself. Just because you really like the other person, doesn’t necessarily mean you have what it takes to be in a long distance relationship.
The absence of one partner is a huge mistake we make because that may lead us into doing certain things or entering other relationships we shouldn’t just because we feel miserable. Unless you are cut out to tolerate it, I suggest you seriously think twice about it.
5. Expecting Marriage to Fix Everything:
Lately a lot of people run to the altar expecting marriage to magically fix everything; all their problems, unhealthy habits or character traits. Some people even get married, not to be married, but because they are longing for a child.
So they rush a relationship and don’t consider whether their partner is actually marriage material or not. Let me be clear – marriage is not some quick fix medication. Yes, I do agree, that there is a part of marriage that is magical and very beautiful but it doesn’t suddenly make lives perfect and complete. You must work on it daily.
Some people even get married, not to be married, but because they are longing for a child.
Don’t run away from certain issues thinking marriage is created to solve them. You can still be lonely, a liar, dishonest, unfaithful and selfish in marriage. Take the time to do a proper introspection and transform yourself before committing, for the benefit of your partner and relationship. The last thing you want to be is a burden.
6. Expecting Your Partner to Change:
I am a strong believer in personal change. Some people need change in their attitude, character, eating habits and sometimes even their dress sense.
We are all growing every single day, even when we fail, we must keep trying again and again. Our imperfection should never be a reason to give up on doing our best to be better people and partners.
But it becomes a problem when you expect your partner to change when they are clearly not ready, not doing their best and have been the same for the last years: especially when it has to do with issues that are clearly wrong. You have to honestly ask yourself – if this person never changes, I can live with them for the rest of my life?
After so many chances, your help and patience may end up being exhausted and you will begin to resent your partner.
Another area is expecting your partner to change little things that are actually not wrong but may be something of a pet peeve or of little annoyance to you. Watch out and support each other. True change can only come from God, so don’t try to be God.
You have to honestly ask yourself – if this person never changes, I can live with them for the rest of my life?
Remember, relationships are a garden and require your dedicated time, effort, interest and care in order to blossom.
Sometimes Singles bounce from one relationship to another, not because they haven’t found the right person, but because they keep making the same mistakes time and time again. It’s time to stop blaming other people and look at yourself in the mirror.
The views expressed in this blog are those of Solomon Izang Ashoms and do not necessarily reflect those of Caxton Local Newspapers.
