Why do great leaders customise their management style?

“A good leader leads the people from above them. A great leader leads the people from within them.” – MD Arnold

Psychologists revealed from different studies that how we act or function as adults is a reflection of our early childhood experiences. Humans need safety because safety means survival.

As soon as we are born, our instincts kick in and we quickly accumulate information to know how to acquire the attention of our primary caregiver.

The higher our success rate at this, the higher our survival rate. In a corporate environment, line managers take on a role of a dynamic caregiver as they look after the team members’ well-being.

To achieve this, a leader needs to understand the attachment theory and the four styles in it.

Secure

A person displaying this attachment style believes that generally, relationships are positive and helpful. This person is quite comfortable with emotions and trust. Most likely, this person’s parents/caregivers were responsive, emotionally attuned to them and provided them with a safe feeling.

Insecure avoidant

This person withdraws and shuts down emotions as the self-protection mechanism because it hurts. They can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. They have difficulty with intimacy. Most likely, this person’s parents were critical, blaming and shaming.

Insecure anxious

This person is not so sure whether or not the leader is reliable in providing safety and protection. This person is hypersensitive to affirmation and validation.

Most likely, this person’s parents were unpredictable, unreliable and unavailable.

Insecure disorganised

In high moments of distress, this person will become chaotic, shut down or paralysed because as humans, it’s flight, fight or freeze. It’s a reflection of their complex childhood. Most likely, this person’s parents were frightening, chaotic and disorganised.