June shines the spotlight on fatherless homes

COMMUNITY activist, pastor and founder of Jems Foundation, Shailen Singh, said there is a narrative that is trending in families in the continuum of society: fatherlessness.

Jems Foundation is a non-profit organisation based in the South Basin that provides all levels of community intervention. It has a large intervention and support base for community upliftment, as well as an Early Childhood Development (ECD) programme for vulnerable children.

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Singh’s work in facilitating programmes and counselling at schools unveiled a recurring theme of fatherlessness. “During 2019-2021, we rehabilitated one hundred and eighty boys. Often on their tear-stained faces and the scars of their broken hearts was the longing for a father,” he said.

Both Father’s Day and Youth Day being celebrated are interrelated. Although a child needs both their mother and father, fatherless homes are proving particularly catastrophic. “Gangsterism, teen pregnancies, gender-based violence (GBV), rape and numerous other social ills are directly linked to fatherless homes. Father absence has been a serious social issue in South Africa, which has become more tenacious in post-colonial South Africa because of economic reasons, untold fatherhood, refused fatherhood, fatherhood accountability, divorce and dissolution of households,” said Singh.

The issue of a ‘father absence’ is one that attracts a great deal of attention. Father absence can be defined as fathers who are physically, economically and psychosocially absent from their children. But if, for example, a father does not co-reside with his child but financially supports her or him by buying food or school clothes, he should not be referred to as completely absent from the child’s life.

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Similarly, a father who psychosocially supports his child, for instance, calls the child but does not live with the child, he is only partially absent. While physical distance between father and child is an important aspect of care and involvement, an overemphasis on co-residency takes the focus away from whether the fathers are involved in a child’s care or not, regardless of their living arrangements.

He said that in a country where more than two-thirds of children live without their biological father in the same household, we must re-examine the narrow expectation of biological fatherhood being the only option.

“We must acknowledge and applaud brothers, uncles and grandfathers who play an important fatherhood role. These social fathers are an important source of support for children. We need to appreciate that fatherhood in South Africa is a social construct because, on many Father’s Day cards, we have children drawing their ‘gogos’ who raised them,” said Singh.

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The most common phrase men used to describe good fathering was the notion that he is ‘there for me’, showing that a caring presence from a father appeared to be more important than the actual physical presence.

When one looks at the role of a father in the home, it becomes apparent that the absence of a father potentially has serious and long-lasting consequences, as a father is seen as a protector of his family, an authority figure who leads by example and teaches his children to respect authority while lovingly disciplining and mentoring his children.

Singh said, “Research shows that children who grow up fatherless are more vulnerable to emotional problems such as depression. Girls are more likely to have lower self-esteem, which could lead to earlier and riskier sexual behaviour, teenage pregnancy, marrying early and getting divorced. Boys who grow up without a father are more prone to extreme aggression.”

A mentor to a fatherless child is someone who is involved, responsible and committed. Involved – he gives his time and takes an interest in the well-being of the child. Responsible – he is a good role model for a child and takes care to keep those he mentors safe from physical and emotional danger. Committed – he is reliable and keeps his promises.

Coaches, teachers, neighbours, co-workers and lots of other people informally mentor children and adults within their personal and professional networks, sometimes without even realising it.

For more information or to find out how you can change the narrative and a child’s future, contact 031 902 3994, email info@jemsfoundation.org.za or visit their Facebook page: Jems Foundation.

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