18 simple social skills that will make you more likeable

Your likeability often boils down to your emotional intelligence.

You might be naturally likeable, or you might be a work in progress. If you’re in the latter group, here are the highlights of one particularly helpful Quora thread: “What are useful social skills that can be picked up quickly?”

Out of the 83 answers submitted by users, Business Insider shared these 18 simple ways to instantly become more likeable:

1. Make eye contact
The most attractive quality in a person is confidence. But ‘be confident’ is not very good advice. Instead, find the best proxy for confidence, in terms of interactive behaviour. And that’s eye contact.

It requires no practice or special skill — just the commitment to meet someone’s gaze and look them in the eye while conversing.

2. Put your cellphone in your pocket
And keep it there until your conversation is over. Basil Chiasson puts it simply: “Pay attention. Look at them. Stop what you’re doing. No interruptions.”

3. Call people by name
The next time someone greets you by name or uses your name mid-conversation, remember how great that feels.

If you have trouble putting names to faces, try different strategies, such as writing them down or using imagery or rhymes associated with the name.

4. Smile
Don’t underestimate the power of smiling.

Additionally, laugh and tell jokes. People unconsciously mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want to be likeable, use positive body language and people will naturally return the favour.

5. Give a firm handshake
Not too hard, certainly not limp and soft, and with no dominance play.

Research shows that people decide whether or not they like you within seconds of meeting you. A firm handshake contributes largely to that first impression, as do strong posture and positive body language.

6. Listen
Listen more than you speak. You have two ears, only one mouth. That’s the ratio you should use them with.

7. Don’t just listen — actively listen
Simply hearing words doesn’t cut it.

Active listening requires four steps: hearing, interpreting, evaluating and responding.

8. Flatter people
This grabs people directly by their ego and is therefore extremely effective.

Using conversation openers that make the other person feel like an expert, such as “You know a lot about social marketing, don’t you?” or “Do you know why I always get this error message?”

9. Be a bit self-deprecating
If you’re terrible at remembering names or have any other flaws, be upfront about them!

Therefore, before people even introduce themselves to you, tell them you’re bad at remembering names in the first place.

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10. If someone is interrupted, ask them to continue
Everyone has been that person who is telling a story, gets interrupted, and then has to awkwardly stand by, wondering if anyone was even listening to you.

You can be that person’s liberator by saying something like, ‘Hey, can you please finish your story about the bicycle ride? The last thing you mentioned is that dogs started following you. Can I hear the rest, please?’.

11. Don’t complain

Being a Negative Nancy is an instant turnoff. If you notice yourself complaining while everyone else starts to look distracted, do yourself a favour and pick a new topic.

12. Tell great stories
Storytelling doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so practice, practice, practice telling ones you’re passionate about and have an interest in, it will show.

13. Ask specific questions

These questions are not only positioning the other person as an expert, they are stroking their ego so much, that you can learn a lot of stuff from them.

14. Know how to accept a compliment

Accepting a compliment can be tricky because you don’t want to seem egotistical.

But you also don’t want to mumble a “Thanks, you too” because that makes you seem self-conscious and socially inept. So instead of giving phrases like ‘You look 10 times better than me’ or ‘It was all thanks to you’, accept the compliment with confidence.

15. Don’t jump to conclusions

Sometimes, our brains can cause us to jump to conclusions about people. This can cause us to become more closed off. In order to avoid getting the wrong impression of anyone, it’s important to get familiar with nonverbal communication.

16. Watch your body language

The words you use are just a small part of communication. How you use your tone of voice and your body language is over 90 per cent of what you are communicating.

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17. Make everyone feel included

It stinks to feel left out when you’re talking in a group. You can avoid this by making sure you look at everyone involved.

18. Skip the small talk

Forgo ‘polite conversation’ and get a little vulnerable with the other person, if you’re looking to become friends.

You may not have experienced the same activities, but you have experienced the same emotions. You need to find common interests, you need to find something that sparks similar emotions in both of you.

Check out the original article and so many more great reads on Business Insider.

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