Silent treatment causes more harm than good

Many of you may have heard of the ‘silent treatment’. Devin Gackle of Lifehack.org explains it as a method of psychological punishment and manipulation which many have probably used or experienced at some point, whether they were aware of it or not. This applies to any relationship — romantic, friendships, familial, coworker relationships, and even interactions with strangers.

The silent treatment is not love, it’s hurtful

Just because you are not using your hands doesn’t mean you can’t irreparably hurt someone else. Ignoring someone is also not a strategy, it’s just a flat out disregard for someone else’s feelings.

“Here’s the thing about blatantly ignoring someone: not only is it rude, immature, inconsiderate, cruel, and petty, it’s downright emotionally (and sometimes physically) damaging. Ignoring someone is not an act of love. In fact, it qualifies as abuse,” said Gackle.

Why people use the silent treatment

• They blame you for a problem that is really their problem
• They just want to hurt you
• They think it’s the right thing or that it’s good for you

READ: What constitutes domestic violence?

How the silent treatment sabotages you (and your relationships)

It causes emotional trauma or stress

Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness.

When someone’s existence and feelings are dismissed and disrespected, they feel devalued, unloved, unworthy, and insignificant. Like an old couch, you toss out because you don’t have room for it.

It can cause behavioural changes

Being ignored could cause you to behave in ways you might not normally― things like questioning and second-guessing yourself and others, lashing out, or doubting yourself and situations where you normally don’t. You might start to feel like you’re bothering the other person, or being too needy. All the questions and doubt might cause you to act like someone who isn’t really you.

READ: Humour In Relationships

It can destroy relationships

Often the issue here is with communication. No matter the reaction of the other partner, this action causes a rift. Each partner might feel the problem is with the other, and instead of communicating with each other, they wait around for the other to admit they’re wrong and apologise.

But in this situation, each cares more about being right than they do about the relationship. Or one or both partners might feel they’re being the bigger person by not interacting with the other when in reality the opposite is true. This decreases intimacy and trust between partners and can cause anxiety and aggressive behaviour.

The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively.

How to deal with the silent treatment

Whether you’re doing the ignoring or being ignored, forget about anger, forget about your ego, just apologise. Have a conversation like a real adult. It’s not worth it to keep the silence.

If you’re the one being ignored, do your best to find out what is wrong; do not give them the silent treatment back. If one or both of you need space, establish that. Since, as mentioned, communication is often the issue, try to discuss and understand the situation. Understanding is key here.  Make sure the other person knows that you care about them and that you’ll be ready to listen when they’re ready to talk. You need to have patience, the intention to be loving and kind, and the willingness to be understanding—on both sides.

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