What to do if you suspect your child is being bullied

Amanzimtoti Trauma Unit (ATU) centre manager, Loraine Odendaal said bullying is starting at younger ages and is more frequent and aggressive than before.

“Unfortunately this cruel behaviour increases with age,” she said. “It’s also troubling children don’t always tell us that they are being bullied.

Repeated bullying causes severe emotional harm and can erode a child’s self-esteem and mental health. Whether bullying is verbal, physical or relational, the long-term effects are equally harmful.

In some situations the outcome can be tragic and the victim can take their own life or, in the Folweni incident, retaliate and attack the bully.

Repeated bullying causes severe emotional harm and can erode a child’s self-esteem and mental health.

Bullying can be physical (hitting, punching or beating), verbal (teasing, name calling or threats), emotional (intimidation using gestures, social exclusion or threats), or sexual.
You get racist bullying, cyberbullying (online harassment, hateful messages, threats, impersonation or other digital abuse) or hazing (rituals and activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation to initiate someone into a group).

Among the signs to look for if you suspect your child is being bullied are:

• Unexplained physical marks, bruises or scrapes;
• Unexplained loss of toys, school supplies, clothing, lunches or money;
• Damaged or missing clothes, toys or electronics;
• Doesn’t want to go to school or partake in other activities with peers.

If you suspect bullying and your child won’t talk to you, arrange a conference with a trusted adult who knows your child. If your child has more than one teacher, you may need to meet with each teacher or coach.

Keep in mind that bullying usually does not happen in all school settings and in all classrooms. The trick is to figure out if your child is being bullied and then where and when it is happening so you can get the right help for your child.

Ask the teachers the following questions:

• How does my child get along with other students in his or her class?
• With whom does he or she spend free time?
• Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is being bullied by other students?

Offer some examples of some ways that children and teens are bullied so the teacher fully understands that you’re not focused on one form of bullying. Ask the teacher to talk with other faculty and staff who interact with your child at school to see whether they have observed your child being bullied by his or her peers.

If you are not comfortable talking with your child’s teacher or not satisfied with the conversation, make an appointment to meet with your child’s guidance counsellor or principal to discuss these concerns.

Emphasise that you believe your child and you are there to help.

You can also talk to your child’s classmate. They might give you some useful information.

Meanwhile, keep an eye on your child. Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school.

Stress to your child you are always available, are concerned and recognise bullying may be a problem. Emphasise that you believe your child and you are there to help.

Seek the help of a trained professional if the signs continue, intensify or your gut instinct tells you something is not right with your child. Call ATU on 031-903-7777 for help.

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