I recently bought the book ‘Dis ek Anna’ for my teenage daughter to read. I remember reading the same book at that age. It’s a disturbing but necessary story.
Thinking back, I had more than one friend who was sexually abused by her father.
We read about it in the papers almost weekly; it’s all over social media, but why? Why do these fathers choose to do irreversible damage to their daughters?
When I refer to a father, I’m talking about both biological and stepfathers.
When you choose to be someone’s stepfather, you decide to protect that child and not cause them any harm.
Most of these fathers are regressed paedophiles, although most of them had not realised this yet.
A dysfunctional marriage seems to be the main reason for these fathers to look elsewhere.
The attraction is not only sexual but also about power. A child is easier to manipulate and easier to control.
Imprisonment is dangerous for these predators, so they rarely seek help.
Being abused by one’s father has detrimental effects and can lead to lifelong psychological and relationship issues.
Because of the shame that is attached to sexual abuse, victims seldom come forward – the fear of not being believed is too great.
And, because they love their father, they often do not want him to go to jail.
Sometimes, it takes years for the victims to realise that they have been harmed.
Most victims are groomed from a young age to think that this is normal behaviour.
Even when a victim comes forward and lays charges, these are often difficult-to-prove cases.
There might not always be enough evidence, and the perpetrator hardly ever confesses – being a paedophile in prison is a scary thought.
The court cases can be traumatic on their own, and if the offender is sent to prison, does it make it hurt any less? Maybe.
What I found most interesting was the conflicted feelings that these victims carried with them.
This person hurt them more than words can describe, but they still love him nonetheless.
Remember, we are all responsible for reporting child abuse.
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