Breath mints must surely be running low in supermarkets by now as marketers have declared February… National Fresh Breath Month.
Now, normally this wouldn’t create a rush on the sweetie aisles, but this time it also coincides with… Pregnancy Education Month.
Bad breath is usually a real passion killer so one can see why advertising agencies have double-dated (so to speak) as February also happens to be… Valentine’s Month.
Put those three together, add the once-in-a-bedtime blue/red moon last week and bed springs must already be taking strain.
At the time of going to print, it was not clear if condom sales had ballooned as well, but aspiring Don Juans would be wise to get in early before the 14th.
You’ll find them at most till points next to gift cards for i-Tunes.
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Then, of course, there is bound to be a lot of hot air in Parliament whenever the State of the National (SONA) address finally goes ahead.
Last year, EFF MPs and security really got close up and personal.
There was a lot of huffing and puffing from the big bad wolves in their little Red Riding Hoodies (hard hats), trying to blow the House down and it might be Groundhog Day… Groundhog Day again… again this Thursday.
A hard hat on the noggin is one thing, but chronic halitosis is just downright disgusting.
So, perhaps local EFF members can pass this advice on to their colleagues: The Oral Hygienists’ Association of South Africa (OHASA) recommends that one should purchase a special tongue cleaner. Or use your toothbrush upside down… or a metal spoon to scrape the smelly bacteria from your tongue.
OHASA: “Start as far back as you can without gagging and gently crape the tongue’s surface. Rinse tool after each swipe.”
The mint option is probably more palatable and has been very popular among our Parliamentarians going back as far as anyone can remember.
It might have been urban legend, but there was one famous anecdote involving National Party Prime Minister John Vorster and the leader of the opposition United Party at the time, Sir de Villiers Graaff.
Div took exception to ‘Small Bad John’ disdainfully chewing on something while the former was speaking.
Div (in his frightfully British accent): “On a point of order, Mr Speaker…
“Would you instruct the Honourable leader of the ruling party to stop chewing toffees while I’m speaking.”
Vorster (in his heavy Afrikaans accent): “On a point of order, Mr Speaker…
“It’s not toffees… it’s choclits!”
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